Roy Batty

"If only I'd hidden my lust and starved a little bit more."

A good bit of hard rain today. We still made it to 94˚F with the heat index, but the rain's cooled the night a bit. It's 76˚F.

I slept for shit last night. Felt sick half the day. Felt fucking wretched.

So, here's a long-overdue promise to my Sirenia Digest subscribers. I have let Covid-19 and all the rest of it put my ability to work into a tailspin, but I resolve that before August 1 I will get two issues of the Digest written and out to you, and then I'll only be one issue behind. I will do this thing or hurt myself trying. Or I will do this thing and hurt myself trying. But I will do this tying. Two new issues, May and June, two new pieces of fiction. Promise.

Saw a very good new National Geographic documentary on the 1980 Mt. Saint Helens eruption today. I cannot believe it's been forty years.

I've got some good stuff going on in Second Life, finally, after a year of intermittently trying to make it work again for RP. So, my grateful thanks to Melissa and Chris and Kat. What noisy cats are we.

I think that's all for now. Oh, except I actually said this tonight: "Sort of like if Donald Trump had good taste."

Later Taters,
Aunt Beast the Sleepless

11:09 p.m.

"In the distance there is truth which cuts like a knife."

Our high today was only 92, after the heat index. There were supposed to be thunderstorms, but we only had clouds and not one drop of rain.

And it was a very weird day.

Not bad weird.

Or especially good weird.

Just weird.

I read T.E. Lawrence. And "Elasmosaurid phylogeny and paleobiogeography, with a reappraisal of Aphrosaurus furlongi from the Maastrichtian of the Moreno Formation." Spooky made chicken stew.

Aunt Beast (who did not play with baby squirrels today)

10:16 p.m.

The Cicada, Nature's Glockenspiel

Another scorcher, as they are wont to say. After only sleeping about three hours, I got up at 8:00 a.m. and it was already in the low eighties. We hit 99˚F, with the heat index just a few hours later. Late in the day there were thunderstorms that broke the fever, and now it's only 79˚F.

Over the last year, and I think especially over the last couple of months, I truly have begun feeling my age (as they are also wont to say), and I don't like it. Was I time I could miss a night's sleep and sail right through the next day, pretty as you please. Today I felt like I'd been run over by a truck.

I had meant to try to try to write. I swear.

I ate ramen with a fried egg for breakfast, and a tuna sandwich with guacamole for dinner. There was a package of zebra cakes in the middle somewhere, and a peach-flavored Red Bull.

I went downstairs a little while ago with Spooky and stood in the night.

We're watching The Americans from the beginning, because for some reason we stopped watching halfway through Season Two when it was airing. I have no idea why. Anyway, if I'd had this show in the 1980s, I'd have been even more afraid of communism than I was.

Aunt Beast

10:28 p.m.

"They're whispering his name through this disappearing land..."

Today, with the heat index, we reached 100˚F. The light had that quality, as if the world might, at any moment, burst into flame. I mostly hid in my dark office. Now it's only 78˚F, 80˚F with the heat index.

I began reading The Seven Pillars of Wisdom.

Tonight there are cicadas in the cool air after the heat.

We could hear the fireworks on Red Mountain, not very far away.

Today is the 109th anniversary of my Grandpa Gordy Monroe Ramey's birth. He was born in 1911 and died of emphysema in 1977, at the age of only 65.

And it was, genuinely, the strangest, most unsettling Fourth of July of my entire life. I can only hope for better things and a return to some semblance of normalcy by this time next year.

Aunt Beast

11:05 p.m.

Entry No. 6,045

Very hot today. With the heat index we reached 99˚F. Currently, it's 82˚F.

Today I finished reading William Kennedy's Legs.

I think that next I'm reading T.E. Lawrence's Seven Pillars of Wisdom (1926), which I should have read long ago.

Today was mine and Kathryn's eighteenth anniversary.

And tomorrow I will try to try to write.

Aunt Beast

11:25 p.m.

Inside and Out

Our high today, with heat index was 94˚F, and it's currently 79˚F.

And I left the house for the first time since June 18th. I didn't make it very far before I headed back in.

I didn't really get anything done today, but it was still an improvement, and I'll try harder tomorrow. That's what you were all waiting to hear, right?

Jefferson County is now under a mandatory mask ordinance, as of 5 p.m. last Friday.

Aunt Beast

7:09 p.m.

Howard Hughes Rides Again (II)

I didn't mean to go six days without making an entry. I also didn't mean to to go the last thirteen days without leaving the house. But I did both.

Which might tell you where my head's at, especially when you factor in my not doing much of anything during all that time I've kept myself shut up in here.

I have my office window open, and I can here katydids and cicadas in the summer night, just about the best sound in the world. Our high today was only 86˚F, with the heat index, and it's currently 75˚F.

Anyway, I'm pledging to myself to do better beginning tomorrow. I'm tired of being useless.

Aunt Beast

6:07 p.m.
Roy Batty

Howard Hughes and Sleep Ain't No Friends No More

Yeah, only about three hours last night. I'm kind of delirious and headachey.

It was supposed to be stormy all day, but it mostly wasn't. Spooky went to the Botanical Gardens and took photos of roses and irises and birds and stuff. I tried to do some prep, but I was too stupid with sleepy.

Re: protesters invoking "the Terror" as a good thing, here's the truest thing I've seen today: "Saying the French Revolution led to a Republic is like saying Romeo and Juliet led to a happy ending." Yup.

I'm pretty sure my world died at least thirty years ago. Fuck, maybe even before I was born. This is somewhere else.

Tomorrow I need to try and begin a story, and I need desperately to succeed. Today, I began re-reading William Kennedy's Legs.

Today, of course, was Spooky's birthday.

Aunt Beast

7:29 p.m.

"Sick of the questions I keep asking you that make you live in the past."

So, all you baby men whining about how it's too uncomfortable to wear your goddamn masks, let me tell you someday about the two years I spent doing drag, and then we'll talk about uncomfortable. Meanwhile, wear your fucking masks.

Sunny today, except when it was rainy. Our high was measly 92˚F with the heat index, but then it rained. Now it's 74˚F.

Today I finished Michal McDowell's The Elementals.

I've been going around for months now thinking I was in a really bad mood. But I realized tonight that I'm not. It isn't me at all. It's just that the world's coming to an end.

Silly me.

Aunt Beast

10:59 p.m.
Roy Batty

"So many windmills, so little time."

I figured I needed a couple of days away from the LJ, so I took a couple of days away. Probably, I need a couple of years away from LJ, but I lack that sort of resolve.

Sunny with thunderstorms today. Our high was 93˚F, briefly, with the heat index. It's now 72˚F.

I've been trying to get back to a place where I can work. I've done some prep. I've been trying to get a new story going in my head, so I can then get it going on paper. I've talked with Drew about our next turtle paper. I did an interview, one that was actually about my work as a paleontologist, and that was different. I had several days of insomnia, then only slept two hours night before last. I haven't eaten much.

Tonight we saw the first episode of HBO's new Perry Mason series, and it's really very good. Also, we've started Weeds from the beginning, since we only ever watched it once.

The frogs and katydids outside are loud.

Aunt Beast

11:11 a.m.