greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,
greygirlbeast
greygirlbeast

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"And I will be the one to hold you down..."

The past two or three days have been rough. I'm a bit raggedy. But I think I'm resurfacing.

Day before yesterday, or the day before that – it's unclear – I accidentally OD'd on Lamictal. No, it wasn't a suicide attempt. It was just plain old absentminded stupidity. I take 300mg a day. On Friday afternoon, Spooky glanced at the pill boxes on my desk, the ones that hold all my meds for the week, and realized that both Friday and Saturday's Lamictal doses were gone. Which meant I'd taken 600mg. Thing is, Lamictal is dangerous drug. When increasing dosage, one must do so very slowly, and the same goes for decreasing dosage. I've always gone up only 25-50mg. With sudden increases and OD's comes a very slim chance of a very, very horrible side effect. I'm not even going to name it here, because I spend too much time not thinking about it. By the way, before anyone asks, I take Lamictal for bipolar disorder and PNES (psychogenic non-epileltic seizures), and I've been on it since early 2010.

Anyway, panic ensued. Friday afternoon and evening were pretty unpleasant. It didn't help that we couldn't be sure when I took the extra dose (I forget shit, okay, which is how I took the extra dose). But I'm fine.

The irony is that only a few days before I'd made the decision to stop taking Lamictal – both because of side effects that have never gone away and because of its toxicity.

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Sirenia Digest #90 is being emailed to subscribers as I type.

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Just saw myself described as an "autodidact on steroids" and "an enlightened Nabokov for a new age." I assume I should be flattered. I'm definitely amused.

Today, I need to try and get my shit together. The month is a wreck. The "summer" was a disaster. I have a novel that should have been finished by now and has hardly been begun. And so forth. I've hardly left the House. I've only swum once. I've hardly left this fucking chair. Hardly, hardly, hardly. Yeah. Anyway, start with the small stuff.

Initiate the Secret Histories,
Aunt Beast
Tags: green autumn, lost days, nabokov, pills for ills, readers, seizures, sirenia late, stupidity, the drowning girl
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