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It's currently 74˚F, overcast, and muggy here in Providence. In Georgia or Alabama, this would be called early May. I suppose there are no "dog days of summer" in New England. The weather is dragging me down, as are many other things. The weather likely gets more credit than it deserves, being such an attention whore, such a voyeur.

I haven't written anything in four days.

I've sat here, mostly, wishing I could reach the sea. Uncertain why I can't. I've sat here listening to my life ticking off its seconds.

This year has not gone well. I was promised the year that would make the last twenty worth all the work and shit and failure, and I got this year, instead. There's an entire essay in the particulars of this vagary. I won't ever write it, most likely.

It's ironic how much I loathe the internet.

We're set to random this afternoon. Which explains the non-linear progression of this entry. We're also slipping in and out of the pluralis majestatis for no reason I can readily discover.

I'm trying to make peace with the tattoo. No, it's not black. It's darker, but it's never going to be black, or grey. Interestingly, it is almost exactly the same color as the lacework of veins it covers, only many shades darker, which creates a peculiar effect. Were the tattoo black, there would be no such effect (and this would be desirable). Some days, I don't mind it. Some days, I almost like it, some days I hate it. It never itched. It has essentially healed. It's the first. Maybe the last. No idea. It has failed as a form of masochism, if we consider physical pain. It has succeeded beautifully in the domain of psychological masochism.

I'm missing the Olympics. Yesterday on Twitter (shudder), several people attempted to explain to me, in 142 characters or less, how to watch them live online by utilizing things with names like VPN and Tunnelbear and Witopia...looping all this mess together somehow, and giving people money, and...I'm pretty sure taximetrics and numerical taxonomy and character matrices are simpler to make sense of, actually. I just want to watch the Olympics, not spend days fucking around with computer shit. I miss the pre-cable days of three channels (NBC, ABC, CBS...four if you count PBS), when television was FREE, so long as you bought a television and paid your electric bill. When it was no more technical than understanding how an electrical cord is plugged into a wall socket. By the way, most of that advice I received yesterday amounted to "this is how you steal from NBC." Not that I care. Except it points back to the fostering of these entitlement issues. But. "Triggering fraud detection systems is a big nuisance." Um...yeah. Theft can be a hassle.

Time to wrap this up. It'll only get worse.

Below the Quick,
Aunt Beast


( 10 comments — Have your say! )
Marc D. Goldfinger
Jul. 29th, 2012 07:46 pm (UTC)
The Dark Days
When you talked about the Tattoo, it made me think of China Mieville's book called Kraken, where there is a living Tattoo on a man's back that controls him. When I read your quote about the river, I think you might try listening to some Judy Henske.
The internet! So weird. Where is it; is it floating all around us? Back in the day, little black and white TV's seemed amazing. Then color. I remember people standing in front of a store watching a color tv; they were hooked. I'm rambling--enough.
Jul. 29th, 2012 08:01 pm (UTC)
I hope your weekend is an improvement over the last few days, that the weather warms up and that you are able to get back to writing and get to the sea. As a reader who doesn't own a TV or have cable television, I understand your frustration on the Olympics; fortunately I have many other things to do so I'm keeping as busy as my brain/body allows to stay distracted.
Jul. 29th, 2012 08:30 pm (UTC)
fairly tangential
You talk a lot about the weather there in Providence. I grew up in southeastern Connecticut, and I remember summers that were hot, with temperatures in the 80s and 90s. Are these cooler summers a location thing (you being closer to the ocean than I was) or a climate change thing, or a combination of the two?
Jul. 29th, 2012 09:20 pm (UTC)
Am trying to think of ways for you to have your way with the ocean, even with the unpredictable weather.
Perhaps make it the rule to go to the ocean regardless of the weather, the reported weather, or the predicted weather?
Once there, if the weather actually does suck, it is a walk on the beach in the wet day, or a walk on the beach with a coat on day.
And at least it is out of the house and has sky and air and water.
But if the weather reporters have slipped up, you might even be able to get in a swim on days which seemed unpromising.
Some times - around here it has to do with the peregrinations of the ocean fog - you can just bully your way into a fair afternoon.
Jul. 29th, 2012 10:43 pm (UTC)
I sincerely hope that your year improves.

if it consoles you up any, on her FB page, Sadie said "I was really taken by Caitlin Keirnan".

and if not for your praise for WE HAVE ALWAYS LIVED IN THE CASTLE at the 2011 Readercon, I wouldn't have read that book. and I now count as one of my favorite books of all.
Jul. 29th, 2012 11:55 pm (UTC)
You don't have any sort of tv? We have too many in my house. One of my house mates has a tiny portable one that she sometimes watches in the kitchen or outside on the porch. It picks up the basic free channels. I think you could probably get one pretty cheap.

I often loathe the internet too and sometimes call it my downfall... I could have been much more productive without it.
Jul. 30th, 2012 12:26 am (UTC)
I suppose there are no "dog days of summer" in New England.

It was 100+ here for a while earlier in the summer. As a native New Englishwoman, I consider anything over 70 summer, and anything over 90 unbearable.

I miss the pre-cable days of three channels (NBC, ABC, CBS...four if you count PBS), when television was FREE

If you have a TV and a digital antenna (the Mohu Leaf is about $40 and highly recommended) you can get all network channels without a monthly fee. Probably 8-20 channels depending on where you live.
Jul. 30th, 2012 04:23 am (UTC)

Our TV is a fossil, from about 1995... don't we also need a digital tuner as well as the antenna? And after all that, we might as well put the cost towards getting a new TV.
Jul. 30th, 2012 01:28 pm (UTC)
Yes, if it is an analog TV, you would need to buy a digital tuner. You could probably craigslist a TV with a tuner built in for not too much (especially if you don't mind CRT/non-flatscreen).
Jul. 30th, 2012 03:24 pm (UTC)
It's been a ridiculous Monday ayem so far, but now I see that my inbox includes this message: "Subterranean: New Caitlin R. Kiernan Shipping This Week"...that might well be the highpoint of the week! If only it could also arrive this week, that would be truly bowtie!
( 10 comments — Have your say! )