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rednecks with pouches

There was a major snafu with the Ambien last night, and today I feel...well...it's a fine combination of sleepy, seasick, and pissed off. I woke about 4:15 and couldn't get back to sleep. I took a second Ambien and got up and tried to work (shouldn't this land me in Guinness under "most stupid act"). I spent the next hour and a half or so reading "Valentia" again and beginning work on the book's index. Finally, about 6:17 (I looked at the clock), I noticed that the words I was typing weren't "real" words and that the keyboard had a distinctly velvety sheen to it. "Go the hell to bed, you silly bitch," I said. Which I did. And proceeded to have riduculous, horrific, hilarious, Kafkaesque nightmares. I woke a little after eleven, feeling like this. Better living through chemistry. Hell, yeah.

Thanks to everyone who took time to comment or e-mail about the revisions to the stories that will comprise To Charles Fort, With Love. Though I must remind you that art is not a democracy, that it is, instead, a tyranny, a butt-ugly little banana republic filled with drug lords, vampiric catfish that swim up your urethra, and muddy tracks of deforested rainforest. Half the time, round here, they'll shoot you just for opening your mouth, then leave the carcass for the feral pigs. Nonetheless, I listened to what was said. And I have decided to leave the stories essentially as they were originally published — compounderations, sentence fragments, missing commas, neglected hyphens, and all. I think I was at last swayed by a couple of e-mails comparing my actions to George Lucas' constant dicking about with the orginal Star Wars trilogy. To quote Mike Bracken, "Changing them [the stories in my collection] now isn't much different than George Lucas screwing around with Star Wars." So, okay, fine. Point taken. Besides, I wouldn't want all those frelling assholes who've spent so much energy and time whinning about my unconventional use of the English language to feel like maybe they're getting through to me.

And speaking of things that people say, or, the be more perspicuous, have said, here's a beauty from a moderately recent Amazon.com "review": "I've never read Poppy Z. Brite, so I can't compare this to her books..."

...what? Is that like a prerequisite now or something?

It put me in mind of a discussion I chanced across a while back. I don't recall where it was. Some website somewhere, and people were comparing me to Poppy and Poppy to me. There seemed to be three camps. Poppy's better. Caitlín's better. They both stink. I searched in vain for the camp daring to suggest that these two things, the Caitlín and the Poppy, are really very, very different beasts, now more than ever, and all this comparing was almost entirely an exercise in missing the point, of conflating apples with oranges, insects and birds, the Lower Triassic with the late Eocene.

Anyway, some reviewer once compared me to Dean Koontz, which was far more riduculous. So, I suppose it could be worse.

Maybe I should puke a few times and then start this entry over. I think I was way more more awake at 4:15.

Today, I'm going to pack up the iBook and go hide somewhere there are no telephones, somewhere I cannot check my e-mail, and work on editing this collection and on writing it's preface. Someplace quite. With better heating (though, to be fair, we're expecting mid-sixties today).

Oh, here's something I found very amusing yesterday, so I'm quoting it. I'm not sure how serious robyn_ma was being, because I never am, with her or with anyone else. But hating LJ/pager/IM-speak as I do, this warmed my foul, misshapen heart:

What is it with LJspeak? LEARN FUCKING ENGLISH. I mean, when I use it, I do so ironically. Most of the people on my friends list do, too. But when you seriously go out of your way to type 'teh'? And it's not for ironic effect? THE WORD IS 'THE.' TEE AITCH EEE. What's next, 'eht'? And what the fuck is up with DOZENS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS WITH THE OCCASIONAL 1 AND THEN 'ONE'?? I KILL YOU AND THEN SLAP YOUR CORPSE, YOU SILLY ILLITERATE ENGLISH-RAPING NO-EDUCATION-HAVING HAT OF ASS

Thank you. It's still frelling funny.

I sent Chapter Two of Daughter of Hounds to my editor and to my lit agent yesterday.

And that pack of Camels I bought back in early January, when the book was stalled on me? I smoked three and tossed the rest of the pack. I'm pleased to say I'm still quit.


Jan. 26th, 2005 06:32 pm (UTC)
LJspeak is one thing...but AIMspeak is even worse. U have no idea how much i loathe teh fact that "AIM shorthand" has become so prevalent that its now even showing up in student papers!!!11!! I told my classes this semester that any should I discover any semblance of AIMspeak in the writings they hand in to be graded, I will drop their final score a full ten points (which equates to an entire letter grade) for every bloody instance of "u" or "i" or "b/c."

Now, I have no real qualms with such shorthand when used in its proper environment: instant messaging--because ultimately, IM systems are nothing more than a more instantaneous descendant of the oldskool telegraph, and their main purpose is to let people communicate *quickly* and simply. So one would *expect* a certain shorthand to evolve in such a milieux, especially considering that most of the people using it won't have the grammatical savvy the gods gave a cockroach. So it's OK in its proper place...but COME ON: how dull must one be not to realize that there's a qualitative, *obvious* difference between academic writing and quick info-squirts directed to friends?
Jan. 26th, 2005 06:39 pm (UTC)

I love that!
Jan. 26th, 2005 09:20 pm (UTC)
If I may join in...
I now refer to it all as "internet shorthand" which is not to be confused with l33t sp34k. However, the two are combining into one big abuse of the English language which is abused enough as it is. We don't need to hurt it any more (however, this does bring up an idea of language is always evolving, who are we to stand in the way with our rules?).

But anyway - I have found internet shorthand creeping into the formal world. I receive emails from computer consultants. Every now and then, I do receive and email that says "Here is my resume, plz get back to me ASAP thnx."

I am not joking.

This saddens me. Granted, there might be a time and a place for such shorthand, but by over using it shorthand becomes common place an acceptable. And this makes my word processor cry.