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Different Day

Late yesterday, we drove down to Kathryn's parents' place, where we filmed last weekend. I'd hoped being away from the city might help the darkness that's been creeping back over me the past week or so. I know the meds are still working, even if it feels like they're not. Anyway, yeah, so we went to the farm. And at first I did have hope. I napped yesterday evening in the room I find safe and peaceful. But that was it. There was nothing else about the visit that helped, and that brief lifting of the veil dissolved very quickly.

But I did see a sky with far less light pollution. The stars I half forget are there to provide perspective. Which I suspect is one of the main reasons human beings are spewing so much energy to drive away the night. They know what the stars mean (even if only unconsciously, in that hindmost reptilian-part of their brains), and it terrifies them. At four-thirty ayem, I was watching the moon rise through the trees.

We played with the great beast that is Spider Cat. We fed the chickens. We saw deer. The frog that lives in the koi pond. The apple trees dying for another winter.

None of it did much of anything for the anger and blackness. Every year, there are fewer and fewer things that help. There is a darkness the meds can never touch, and even my psychiatrist knows that. Kathryn certainly knows. I'd burn it out if I could. I'd fill my eyes with the sheep-blank stares I see on most human faces, or I'd fill it with the ancient sanity of starlight.

Okay, enough of that for now. I'd "friends lock" this, except it would still go up on Facebook and Twitter, and LJ seems to have made it impossible to shut off the cross-posting feature I switched on a long time ago.

I still find myself hating the iPad. I think some people have misunderstood. I do not hate the iPad because it is a device somehow substandard to similar mobile devices. I hate that I needed to waste money on it, and that, no matter how hard I struggle to the contrary, it will be the vehicle of additional time displacement. This has nothing to do with Apple. The iPad is all shiny shiny and shit. It works like a dream. It's just something no one* on earth needs (or anything similar manufactured by another company), no matter how much they may "need" it.

I still find myself loving the work we did last weekend, and missing everyone who was here and helped to make the magic.

I'm considering – well, actually in the earliest stages of planning – two more Kickstarter projects, both for 2012. Now that Spooky is entering the final stages of the process of completing our "Tale of the Ravens" project, and now that I see The Drowning Girl Kickstarter yielding such fruits as it is yielding. We have had such amazing success with Kickstarter (thank you). One would be a boxed, two volume limited-edition set of hardbacks of both The Red Tree and The Drowning Girl, with lots of tipped in color illustrations, facsimile documents, expanded text, appendices, and so forth (because, you know, there's time for these projects hemorrhaging from my asshole). It would be a very expensive undertaking, but it would be worth the expense and time, if I could make it happen. It would probably be limited to 500 signed and numbered copies. Maybe 26 lettered copies.

Anyway, the other project is one I actually began working on, conceptually, a year ago. A short film, a vignette of the sort you'd make of a Sirenia Digest vignette. A siren washed up and dying at the end of the world, and it might overlap territory explored in "The Bone's Prayer." That series of personal apocalypse stories. This would actually be a far simpler and far cheaper project than producing the books.

These are maybes.

Oh, we saw Kevin Smith's Red State last night, which I say is an unreservedly brilliant film, and which must be seen. Right now, Netflix is streaming it. It's a terrifying and sobering exploration of belief and the consequences of belief taken to extremes, the consequences of blindly following...anyone or anything. Only following orders. Only following a man. Only following a "god." There is a moment when the film almost veers into the supernatural that is the most genuinely chilling bit of film I've seen since Sauna.

Now...

*Amended to "not everyone."

Comments

( 36 comments — Have your say! )
sovay
Oct. 23rd, 2011 09:43 pm (UTC)
A short film, a vignette of the sort you'd make of a Sirenia Digest vignette. A siren washed up and dying at the end of the world, and it might overlap territory explored in "The Bone's Prayer."

I would like that.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 23rd, 2011 09:46 pm (UTC)

I would like that.

Somehow, you would be involved. Definitely.
subtlesttrap
Oct. 23rd, 2011 09:48 pm (UTC)
A siren washed up and dying at the end of the world, and it might overlap territory explored in "The Bone's Prayer." That series of personal apocalypse stories.

Its so interesting that you mention them. Your "personal apocalypse" stories are some of my faves. For whatever reason I have re-read "A Bone's Prayer" and "Sanderlings" multiple times and always back to back. Your thematic dealings with the ocean and the unknowable things that come forth from her always spellbind and terrify me, just like the actual ocean herself.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 23rd, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)

For whatever reason I have re-read "A Bone's Prayer" and "Sanderlings" multiple times and always back to back.

They're almost the same stories, and that was an accident.
(no subject) - subtlesttrap - Oct. 23rd, 2011 09:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - greygirlbeast - Oct. 23rd, 2011 09:58 pm (UTC) - Expand
ex_kaz_maho
Oct. 23rd, 2011 09:51 pm (UTC)
A siren washed up and dying at the end of the world, and it might overlap territory explored in "The Bone's Prayer."

I would contribute to this in a heartbeat.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 23rd, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)

Thank you.
opalblack
Oct. 23rd, 2011 10:02 pm (UTC)
I know that darkness. Or one very much like it.

I'm sorry it has you. I'm sorry it has anyone. No one deserves or should have to live with this. If I knew a way to burn it out, I would.

For whatever it's worth to you, you're in my heart. And Casanova sends purrs, he jumped up on me while I was typing this especially to purr *really* loudly in your direction. Or, at least, the direction of your livejournal.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 23rd, 2011 10:05 pm (UTC)

No one deserves or should have to live with this.

But we have to consider that without it we wouldn't even be having this conversation, and I certainly wouldn't be me. This changes nothing, of course.
(no subject) - opalblack - Oct. 23rd, 2011 10:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - greygirlbeast - Oct. 23rd, 2011 10:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - opalblack - Oct. 23rd, 2011 11:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - greygirlbeast - Oct. 23rd, 2011 11:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - opalblack - Oct. 23rd, 2011 11:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - greygirlbeast - Oct. 23rd, 2011 11:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - opalblack - Oct. 24th, 2011 12:15 am (UTC) - Expand
ashlyme
Oct. 23rd, 2011 10:19 pm (UTC)
Oh, I'd like to see both projects, especially the boxed novels (something like the "Colour" edition of HOL? Oak leaves for bookmarks?). I'd like to support that.

I've seen Sanderlings being sold second-hand on Amazon, and I am sorely tempted. The Bone's Prayer I came across once in Waterstones, but I cannot remember where it's collected.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 23rd, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)

something like the "Colour" edition of HOL? Oak leaves for bookmarks?).

Something like that.

The Bone's Prayer I came across once in Waterstones, but I cannot remember where it's collected.

Some "year's best horror" or another. I think.
(no subject) - subtlesttrap - Oct. 23rd, 2011 11:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ashlyme - Oct. 24th, 2011 03:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
girfan
Oct. 23rd, 2011 10:36 pm (UTC)
I trust your judgment on films-you haven't steered me wrong yet. I want to see Red State and you have confirmed it.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 23rd, 2011 10:55 pm (UTC)

Very good.
everville340
Oct. 23rd, 2011 11:14 pm (UTC)
There was nothing else about the visit that helped, and that brief lifting of the veil dissolved very quickly.

I can relate...not out of a sense of comparison over the specific things we've experienced in our lives, but in having the sense that as the amount of each time the veil actually lifts decreases the amount of time in between it lifting seems to increase (if that makes any sense).

Right now, Netflix is streaming it.

Thanks for the Netflix streaming/DVD selections. There are things that I wouldn't normally have been aware of that I've now seen from having started to regularly 'follow' your LJ: Case 39, Trollhunter, and now queue-ing Red State and Sauna.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 23rd, 2011 11:17 pm (UTC)

Case 39, Trollhunter, and now queue-ing Red State and Sauna.

Then I am doing a very good thing.
(no subject) - everville340 - Oct. 23rd, 2011 11:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
aarontbc
Oct. 24th, 2011 12:10 am (UTC)
One would be a boxed, two volume limited-edition set of hardbacks of both The Red Tree and The Drowning Girl, with lots of tipped in color illustrations, facsimile documents, expanded text, appendices, and so forth

This would be a grand and wonderous thing. "The Red Tree" absolutely deserves such lavish treatment.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 24th, 2011 03:51 am (UTC)


This would be a grand and wonderous thing. "The Red Tree" absolutely deserves such lavish treatment.


I'll keep my fingers crossed.
corucia
Oct. 24th, 2011 01:18 am (UTC)

One would be a boxed, two volume limited-edition set of hardbacks of both The Red Tree and The Drowning Girl

I'd put down the bills for this in a heartbeat - I'm a glutton for hardback editions. Permanence and solidity, history and weight.

I still find myself hating the iPad. [snip] It's just something no one on earth needs (or anything similar manufactured by another company), no matter how much they may "need" it.

I purchased one recently for my teaching. Lots of students were asking if the materials for the class were tablet-compatible, and I needed the iPad to get everything formatted correctly. My view of it has changed a lot since I first obtained it. Initially I thought about it in the same manner you do. However, I now regard it in a different light - as a tool that does a job. Some tools are general-purpose (a chef's knife) while others are highly specific (a hard-boiled egg slicer). As a textbook replacement, the iPad is more in the line with the chef's knife than the egg slicer. The electronic version of the text is about half of the $160 for the printed version, and weighs a heck of a lot less. For a student, two or three semesters of electronic textbooks, and the iPad will have paid for itself. I may not like the impact it's going to have on publishing physical books, but it is a great tool for the job I need it to do...
greygirlbeast
Oct. 24th, 2011 03:51 am (UTC)

I'm going to agree (and the crowd goes wild) on the subject of textbooks. Yes, that is a very valid, indeed very good, use for an iPad like device. Textbooks are a ripoff, and they have been for decades. I also don't class most of them as genuine books, hence no conflict with my feelings about eBooks.
(Deleted comment)
greygirlbeast
Oct. 24th, 2011 03:48 am (UTC)

I have no energy for anger anymore

I don't invite it in anymore than I can keep it out. Best I can do is hold it in.

Edited at 2011-10-24 03:49 am (UTC)
robyn_ma
Oct. 24th, 2011 02:31 am (UTC)
'There is a moment when the film almost veers into the supernatural that is the most genuinely chilling bit of film I've seen since Sauna.'

Yeah, that was unexpected. Part of me wishes it wasn't explained, though.
greygirlbeast
Oct. 24th, 2011 03:47 am (UTC)

Yeah, that was unexpected. Part of me wishes it wasn't explained, though.

I considered that. But decided in this case, to achieve Smith's desired effect, an explanation was necessary.
niamh_sage
Oct. 24th, 2011 07:09 am (UTC)
Which I suspect is one of the main reasons human beings are spewing so much energy to drive away the night. They know what the stars mean (even if only unconsciously, in that hindmost reptilian-part of their brains), and it terrifies them.

Belgians must be particularly terrified then - I've never come across such an over-lit country before. Even our tiny little country lane has a street light outside every house. It's impossible to get a good view of the night sky here, much to my frustration.

And I think you're right about the terror.
mondyboy
Oct. 24th, 2011 11:32 am (UTC)
I just wanted to say that I absolutely adored The Red Tree. I'd also be really interested in a lavish version of the book.
lachendwolf.blogspot.com
Oct. 24th, 2011 06:56 pm (UTC)
I absolutely agree with that Red State moment, and I admit I was semi-disappointed at the result. But at the same time, the explanation makes the credits scene even more chilling to me.

I'd be thrilled to contribute to a Kickstarter for any film project you might conceive... your imagery always kicks me in the gut. (In a good way.)
( 36 comments — Have your say! )