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After the Relapse

1. Yes, I'm still using the somewhat pathetic crutch of numbered items in my entry. The platypus has given hisherits permission, so it's cool. One day soon— or so I'm told by the voices that speak to me in the dead of night when sleep won't come —my mind will be clear again and I can dispense with these numbers.

2. I am much, much better. However, Spooky contracted the Dread Bug from me, and now she's sick as the proverbial dog.

3. On Friday, thinking I was "well," and feeling a bit of cabin fever, I unwisely convinced Spooky to take me to a matinée screening of Scott Stewart's Legion. Unwise for three reasons: 1) I was actually still sick, and Spooky was just getting sick; 2) It was cold as a midwinter night on Hoth out there; and 3) Scott Stewart's Legion is the lousiest excuse for a movie I've paid to see in a very, very long time. As we were leaving the theatre, I wanted to say, "That's the worst movie about angels I've ever seen." Sadly, that's probably not true, so I didn't say it. I cannot recall an instance of noisy teenagers making fun of a movie I was trying to watch not pissing me off, but there were three who kept cracking wise during Legion, and that's probably the only thing that got me through the film. Spooky almost fell asleep, repeatedly. I'm assuming that Paul Bettany played the archangel Micheal because Vin Diesel was busy with a game of AD&D. Regardless, Bettany delivers what has to stand as one of the most wooden performances in the history of bad movies about angels. The guy that played Gabriel was even worse. Pissed-off angels should not make one chortle. Someone needed to have taken Kevin Durand aside and shown him Tilda Swinton's portrayal of Gabriel, as an example of a creepy, threatful Gabriel done well. Or, hey, they could have shown Durand a bit of Christopher Walken. Or both. In the entire cast, only Charles S. Dutton and Dennis Quaid even tried to act. I think The End of the World, With Red Necks would have made a better title. All in all, it's really a shame, because I was rather intrigued by the film's premise. But instead of taking that premise anywhere worth going, we get rednecks (I mentioned that), the redneck Baby Jesus Mark II, a redneck truck stop, a nonsensical and inconsistent plot, and angels that seemed a lot more like a cross between death knights and gladiators than angels of any stripe. Maybe that's how rednecks imagine angels. I don't know. Like, okay...you're a fucking angel, right? You're fucking Gabriel, to be precise. You do not need some huge-ass Klingon dagger to kill a lousy human. I think that's actually in the Old Testament somewhere. And never mind the machine guns. Just skip this one. Don't even wait for the DVD, unless you're going to zap it in the microwave. Mr. Stewart, if you are reading this, please drop the theological claptrap and go back to doing visual effects for movies that don't suck, made by actual directors.

4. I should be writing about what a wonderful novel is Peter Straub's A Dark Matter, but I refuse to speak at length about such a fine book in the same entry that I speak at length of a shit stain of a movie like Legion, so that's going to have to wait until tomorrow.

5. I have to try to write today, or these deadlines are going to chew me up and shit me out.

6. To my great pleasure, I actually found some very, very good Second Life roleplay last night. My thanks to "Hibiki Ochs" and "Omika Pearl" and whoever built the Insilico sim, because I was just about the ditch SL for the fifteenth time.* Also, Insilico brought a bright spot to an otherwise terribly bad day.

Okay...I let my coffee get cold. Crap.

*The love affair was short lived, Insilico quickly proving to be as disappointing as the rest of SL, despite the shiny candy coating.

Comments

( 42 comments — Have your say! )
sfmarty
Jan. 24th, 2010 05:08 pm (UTC)
I saw Me and Orson Wells. Very good movie. I will stay far, far away from Legion. thank you.

By the way, this flu is really a nasty one and is subject to relapses. You two take care.
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(no subject) - greygirlbeast - Jan. 24th, 2010 06:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
sovay
Jan. 24th, 2010 05:51 pm (UTC)
Don't even wait for the DVD, unless you're going to zap it in the microwave.

That is a magnificent review and I hope never to receive one like it.

(Tell Spooky I hope she feels better.)
chris_walsh
Jan. 24th, 2010 06:03 pm (UTC)
It's also probably kind of satisfying to throw a DVD of a bad movie.
(no subject) - greygirlbeast - Jan. 24th, 2010 06:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - chris_walsh - Jan. 24th, 2010 06:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
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hypanebliss
Jan. 24th, 2010 07:22 pm (UTC)
Damn. I was hoping to get on here and warn you about seeing Legion. It seemed precisely the kind of movie you would seek out! The wife and I were so disappointed. When we got home I did some research to try and find out any information about the original script. That idiot director rewrote the original and now I'm really curious as to what the previous author wanted to see in this picture. From what I read, it may have been an improvement. Lame!

Tilda Swinton's version of Gabriel is still a household favorite. And of course, Mr. Walken is always fantastic.

(among our group of friends these movies are called "church porn".)

I'm hoping for a much better experience from the Book of Eli.
greygirlbeast
Jan. 24th, 2010 07:53 pm (UTC)

Damn. I was hoping to get on here and warn you about seeing Legion.

If only you had. Alas.

(among our group of friends these movies are called "church porn".)

Nice.
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captaincurt81
Jan. 24th, 2010 08:46 pm (UTC)
I might actually watch a movie called 'The End of the World With Rednecks' but I saw the trailer for 'Legion' when I went to see 'Avatar' and was repulsed. I was shocked to learn Dennis Quaid tried to act in this film. He makes frequent appearances on my 'weak links in this movie' list.
PS- I also recommended "Sirenia Digest" to one of my customers who bought 2 erotic anthologies. You may have a new subscriber soon.
greygirlbeast
Jan. 24th, 2010 08:59 pm (UTC)

PS- I also recommended "Sirenia Digest" to one of my customers who bought 2 erotic anthologies. You may have a new subscriber soon.

Thank you!
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greygirlbeast
Jan. 24th, 2010 08:59 pm (UTC)

I've heard Legion is the first part of a trilogy.

I sort of suspected that. I have to hope this one tanks...
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stsisyphus
Jan. 24th, 2010 09:06 pm (UTC)
...Paul Bettany played the archangel Micheal because Vin Diesel was busy with a game of AD&D.

Really, can you blame Vin for having his priorities straight?
greygirlbeast
Jan. 24th, 2010 09:17 pm (UTC)

Really, can you blame Vin for having his priorities straight?

No, not really.

Sexy icon....
(no subject) - stsisyphus - Jan. 24th, 2010 09:23 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - robmacanthony - Jan. 25th, 2010 02:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
ulffriend
Jan. 25th, 2010 12:27 am (UTC)
I hope that Spooky feels better soon.

I'm also glad to read your thoughts on "Legion". Like you, I thought it had potential, but films are simply too expensive in terms of money and time to waste on lousy ones.

I can barely wait for "A Dark Matter" - I keep checking my local bookstores to see if a copy is mistakenly placed out early (I scored a copy of "Daughter of Hounds" two weeks prior to its release date that way) and am planning on pretty much dropping everything once I have a copy in my hands. A new book from Straub is A Literary Happening as far as I'm concerned.
robmacanthony
Jan. 25th, 2010 02:52 pm (UTC)
I'm looking forward to DARK MATTER as well. I like Straub's work.

Right now I am re-reading Caitlín's THRESHOLD. Really love that book. After that I'm going with either THE AWAKENING (Chopin) or THE PESTHOUSE (Crace).
jessamyg
Jan. 25th, 2010 12:37 am (UTC)
Angels
Is "Legion" the same film advertised in England as "Gabriel", I hope not as that looked to be quite entertaining. I agree with you about Tilda Swinton, as this was the only gleam of light in the mediocrity of "Constantine" and this is from a Hellblazer fan.

Peter H
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greygirlbeast
Jan. 25th, 2010 04:25 pm (UTC)

The only movies I really remember involving angels as their main focus that I've seen and liked are Wings of Desire and Faraway, So Close!. It also helped that Peter Falk was playing as himself in both of them.

I adore both. You might also try Luc Besson's Angel A.
kylecassidy
Jan. 25th, 2010 02:12 am (UTC)
trillian_stars and i were just looking at the poster for LEGION in the subway, i thought that looks pretty cool and then i saw the angel was holding a machine gun and i thought that looks really stupid.

glad to hear i was right.
humglum
Jan. 25th, 2010 03:03 am (UTC)

So bad...
And not even pretty. If it had at least been eye candy I could have taken a shred of something worthwhile from it...

Shrooms was better.
(no subject) - kylecassidy - Jan. 25th, 2010 03:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - greygirlbeast - Jan. 25th, 2010 04:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
robmacanthony
Jan. 25th, 2010 02:47 pm (UTC)
Ah...sorry Spooky is sick. I hpoe she gets better soon.

When I saw the trailer to LEGION, I thought it looked like it could be pretty cool, or else it would just suck. I'm always disappointed by the cool ideas that are completely ruined by Hollywood's screen adaptation. It seems as though 'horror' movies (using the term broadly) are particularly apt to be bad. A good portion of the time the better ones are comic (Evil Dead 2; Shaun of the Dead; etc.).

I saw an independent release called CTHULHU (2007) that I thought was fairly interesting, though it gets beat up on most web sites where it is listed. Anymore, independent and/or foreign films are the only ones that really appeal to me.
greygirlbeast
Jan. 25th, 2010 04:25 pm (UTC)

I saw an independent release called CTHULHU (2007) that I thought was fairly interesting

It had several scenes misfire rather badly, but I did love it's ending.
(no subject) - robmacanthony - Jan. 25th, 2010 04:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
tanthe
Jan. 26th, 2010 01:21 am (UTC)
Ah poo, pity Legion sucks so bad. I'd hoped it'd be fun, given I do actually like Paul Bettany a great deal as an actor. But, at least this way I save myself $10.
( 42 comments — Have your say! )

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