Okay, yeah. I'm ranting. I'm half fucking delirious. Bad insomnia last night. I was up until about 4:30 a.m., so, thank you, Insomnia, for those six hours sleep. I finally took an extra Ambien and worked on Shaharrazad's mining skills while I waited for it to knock me out. I needed thorium, and northing but thorium, and went from Shattrath to Orgrimmar to Ferales to Silithus to Un'Goro Crater. To bed.
Last night somehow turned into a sort of impromptu horror-movie festival. Mostly, I was too tired to read (or even play WoW). Isn't it odd that after spending six hours writing, I feel guilty for not spending the evening reading? I find it odd. Anyway, here are three very quick reviews:
Masters of Horror: Imprint (2007), directed by Takashi Miike. First off, I'd loathed everything I'd previously seen from this series of short films. But I was very impressed with Miike's short "Box." I was not as impressed with Imprint, which lacked much of the atmosphere and subtlety of "Box." For all I know, Imprint is truer to his usual style than was "Box," but if so, that's a shame. Some nice visuals, and sort of a neat story, but it was all overwhelmed by the gore and some stiff acting. There are many (maybe most) horror films where less gore would be more, and this is one of them. There were hints of the Carteresque fairy-tale quality that makes "Box" work, but the whole falls flat.
Splinter (2008), directed by Toby Wilkins. We went into this one expecting very little. But the line in the description about a "splinter virus" intrigued, and we decided to give it a shot. And were glad we did. This is one of those gems, like The Descent (2005), Feast (also 2005), and Slither (2006) that sets out to be nothing much more than a great creature feature and succeeds admirably. Surprisingly believable acting, superb (and truly chilling) creatures fx, and just enough levity to punctuate the horror without reducing it to camp. It harked back to Carpenter's The Thing (1982), that brand of biological horror, and I strongly recommend it. Also, very oddly quotable. Here's a trailer:
Piranha (1995), directed by Scott P. Levy. We should have stopped at Splinter, we really should have. But we didn't, and after watching this piece of crap, I'm left with two questions. First, why would anyone bother to remake Joe Dante's Piranha (1978), almost scene for scene, and not bother to at least make it as interesting as the original (which isn't saying an awful lot, admittedly). Secondly, why wasn't the remake a musical? It could have been brilliant. Oh, the cast included Soleil Moon Frye (aka "Punky Brewster"), and at least we got to see her devoured (along with a lot of other annoying people) by stock footage from the Dante film. Really, really bad.
And since I seem to have a theme going here, I'll leave you with the trailer to Jennifer Lynch's forthcoming Hisss, which has me excited in more ways than one: