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madness...madness

this bridge was written to make you feel smittener
with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer
can you extract me from my plastic fantasy
i didn't think so but im still convinceable


I rarely ever write about my own dreams in my online journal, much less anyone else's. But this morning Spooky woke from a nightmare, which she immediately related to me, and I just have to share. I have, of course, secured her permission beforehand. She dreamt that I'd had an abortion and I showed her the fetus, which I'd kept and dried. She said it was a shriveled greyish tadpole sort of a thing, with a tiny human skull covered by a membrane. There were spots along its tail. When I showed it to her, I confessed to having the abortion and started crying. She says I was very sad and distraught. Then she told me, "If you're going to play with boys, you should use protection." Make of all this what you will. I believe perhaps I should rethink my trip to Innsmouth this summer.

Yesterday, "Faces in Revolving Souls" stalled out on me utterly. I'd written a single paragraph, maybe 65 words, and whap!, there's the frelling wall. Instead of doing the smart thing and imbibing in some intoxicant or another to get me over the hurdle, I spent the afternoon wallowing in anger and despair. Better drunk than pathetic, that's something every author should have tattooed on her forehead so she sees it in the mirror at least once a day. I'm vain, so I'd see it about a hundred times a day. Today, I have to do better. The story has to move forward. Nothing else matters until it does. The editor has graciously granted me an extension and I have to write the story. I have to make it a good story, because I've never written a story I was ashamed to see printed. I won't start now. I can deal with the angst when I'm sixty or seventy. Now, I just have to write the story.

Last night, we watched Angel, and I think it was really one of the better episodes. A shame we're about to lose the last good dark fantasy on television. Then Spooky fell asleep, and I watched The Bridge on the River Kwai on TCM. I'd forgotten what an utterly brilliant film it is. And then, though it was about 2:30 a.m., I read Clifford D. Simak's "Huddling Place," which helped get the unpleasant aftertaste of the Merril and Blish stories I'd read the night before out of my head. Simak put the characters first, kept the tech and high concept in the background, and, most importantly, was capable of good prose.

Quite a few people seem to be choosing to read the blog at its LiveJournal Mirror, which is cool. It helps me justify all the silly clicking and listing I've engaged in since beginning the greygirlbeast account on the 16th. You should all "friend" me immediately. I always need more click-and-list cyber-enablers.

Comments

( 10 comments — Have your say! )
z0mb1e
Apr. 29th, 2004 06:03 pm (UTC)
I'm actually really glad your low red moon journal is cross-listed on live journal. I always want to post things on the forum, but I am *so* bad at keeping up with forum discussions and conversations that it just becomes pointless after awhile.

That dream sounds really disturbing and I hope Spooky doesn't have to suffer through anymore like it :/ Everyone I know has been having really bizarre, nightmarish dreams lately.
humglum
Apr. 29th, 2004 09:27 pm (UTC)
That wasn't even the _bad_ dream. The bad dream was the one I had before Cait even fell asleep. I don't even remember it now, but apparantly I was talking in my sleep and thrashing about madly.
The abortion dream was just... weird. And actually lead to a whole bunch of other dreamstuff I don't even recall now.
Fever dreams without fever or drugs.
z0mb1e
Apr. 29th, 2004 10:09 pm (UTC)
The other night I had the *strangest* dream about poisonous eels trying to wrap themselves around my ankles and some fish that looked like a blue, marble version of Flounder from the Little Mermaid was trying to rub his poison skin on me. And all I was trying to do was get directions to a friend's house...

Fever dreams indeed.
I hate how you can remember the awful feeling after you wake up, but you can rarely remember the details.
beingkenny
Apr. 29th, 2004 06:17 pm (UTC)
I've just added you. Yay for Caitlín R. Kiernan being on lj!
stonescorpion
Apr. 29th, 2004 06:58 pm (UTC)
When all else fails...
Give a background story. Or just throw in something completely random to relate back to at a better time.

I know I'm treading on dangerous ground giving advice to a writer, but hey, a decent idea can come from strange places right.

Odd odd dream your partner had. And scary as hell, if I dreamed like that I'd be an insomniac. Maybe I'll have to tell you about the worst dream I ever had. Made me afraid to sleep for almost a week.

Too bad about Angel, but there is always hope for a UPN pick up at the last minute.

thanks,
scorp
asru
Apr. 29th, 2004 07:01 pm (UTC)
Myself and the lovely Maureen found 'friending' to be quite an amusing expression. But I do it anyway.
cinzazul
Apr. 29th, 2004 09:08 pm (UTC)
moo hoo ahhaahahahahahahahhahahahhaahahaha *choke cough* hmrrmm. Heh.
pascal_babylon
Apr. 30th, 2004 01:14 am (UTC)
Caitlin, I dunno if you ever liked Dark Shadows, but your
sadness about losing the last good dark fantasy may be somewhat
assuaged by the DS remake in the works by WB. The pilot is filmed
and if the showing goes well there may be more. But if you don't
consider DS good dark fantasy then nevahyoumind.

Doom!
Pascal

more info.: http://www.barnabasundead.com/mausoleum.htm
maudlinragdoll
Apr. 30th, 2004 01:30 am (UTC)
I've also friended you. It's easier to comment on LJ than forums. And I agree that Angel was particularly good last night.
happyspector
Apr. 30th, 2004 04:44 pm (UTC)
I already friended you! Y'mean "friending" someone increases their chances of being found on the net? Than please, if you don't find the contents of my LJ too revolting, friend me back! Cthulhu knows, I'm gonna need every edge I can get in the coming months.

Aye, fucked up dream. Who said everyone's been having 'em lately? See, for me, they're usually par for the course, but now that I think about it, my slumber has been a dry-spell this week. So maybe there's a spiritual leak somewhere in my brain. I apologies for any trauma experienced by Spooky, or anyone else.
( 10 comments — Have your say! )