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Remind me of the young

An escaped voice speaks from the corner of the room
It’s avoiding the plans
Sneaking past the narrow truth

Everyone else follows through
(Sons and Daughters, "Dance Me In")

Trying to shake off the dreamsickness this morning. Still trying, more than an hour after I crawled up from sleep and out of the bed and into this chair. It's like waking up wet. Or waking up to nausea. Or waking to a sudden, unexplained noise. It's sticky and disorienting. It leaves the world slippery, and my eyes and mind slide off everything I see. My thoughts skip and shimmer, and the understanding of this given moment seems always just out of reach. Waking reality holds fast to an arbitrary sort of solidity, real only because I am assumed to be awake. The reality of the dreams, even as their non-linear, disjunct narratives begin to fade, is always nearer at hand. If someone's devised a pill for this, no one has yet offered it to me. I am awake, because I am no longer asleep. The worst of it, I think, is not the dread or the way I forget what I was just thinking, what I was going to say, the way I don't respond when spoken to — no, the worst of it is the urgent sense of unfinished business, of needing to get back there. The dreamsickness clings to me like wet cheesecloth laid upon my skin, and somehow I have to let the new day pull me forward on the course of this worldline, which, I would be assured, is the real McCoy.

I didn't go to Leeds yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking about drunken rednecks on I-20, or the price of gasoline, or the way people would stare if we should have to get off the interstate at Anniston or Eastaboga or wherever else that isn't anywhere.

But at least Dragon*Con is over. I can stop feeling like I ought to be there instead of here.

Yesterday...there's a whole lot less to say about yesterday than there should be. No writing. It just didn't happen. Nothing else much happened, either. My mood stayed black and low and bordering on angry. I spent some time with Hubero. I thought about books I should be reading. I e-mailed my mother to tell her we weren't coming. I e-mailed my agent. Spooky renewed Nebari.net for me, for two years, so thank you again corucia, and I talked about how it's been four years now since I started the site and promised myself that I'd do something more with it this year. Spooky made dinner — pizza with basil and lots of fresh garlic and red peppers and mozzarella. We had a long walk after dark.

And because Netflix just keeps sending movies, even though I should be reading, we watched The Libertine (2004) last night. I liked it quite a lot. A very, very beautiful film. Johnny Depp gives one of the most impressive performances of his career. I don't know much about John Wilmot or Charles II, so I cannot vouch for the film's historical accuracy, but I thought it a very fine work of fiction. All histories are only varying degrees of fiction, anyway. This bit I especially liked, Rochester speaking of actors (though it has a much broader relevance, i think):

You make time seem so important. "I must change my clothes now." "I must make my entrance now." But life is not a succession of urgent now's. It is a listless trickle of "Why should I's."

Also, The Libertine was a pleasant sort of penance for having wasted 99 minutes Sunday night watching Poseidon.

Today, I have to send the galley corrections from Daughter of Hounds back to NYC. And I have to write. Fiction. First, though, let me remind you that you can still order Daughter of Hounds from Amazon.com with Alabaster for a mere $27.70. I should also remind you that unless people buy these books, I will not be able to continue to write them. And if you're one of those readers who only reads the online journal — and I still don't understand that phenomenon, for what possible interest could I ever be beyond my writing — I would remind you that unless the books sell, I will see no point in continuing this journal, either. Now. Time to write. I can stall no longer.

Comments

( 19 comments — Have your say! )
moonwiggle
Sep. 5th, 2006 04:33 pm (UTC)
I've already ordered DoH and now have in my mitts a copy of the limited addition of Alabaster- the extra chapbook was just too much to resist. I love the cover for Alabaster, it's absolutely gorgeous. Out of interest, is that illustration of Dancy more the way you envision her than the version of her on the Threshold cover?

I was also squeaky thrilled to find some of my favourite elements from MoA in one of the stories in Alabaster. I seem to remember you mentioning, ages ago, that you were considering doing a YA novel set in MoA's alternate universe/fantasy world thingimagum- are you still considering that?

Anyway, yes- adored Alabaster. Gorgeous book, gorgeous writing. I spent quite awhile stroking the pages and making tiny affectionate squeaking noises. ♥
greygirlbeast
Sep. 5th, 2006 04:45 pm (UTC)
Out of interest, is that illustration of Dancy more the way you envision her than the version of her on the Threshold cover?

Yep.

that you were considering doing a YA novel set in MoA's alternate universe/fantasy world thingimagum- are you still considering that?

I am, but it won't be the next book.
cinzazul
Sep. 5th, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC)
Dragon*Con was stuffed. Remember the year Jhonen came? How hard it was to move and be... I don't remember seeing the Cruxshadows booth without at least 3 people standing outside it the entire convention. If they don't change locations for the entire conevention next year, they will at least have to move the Cruxshadows booth so that the police won't threaten to arrest Rogue because his autograph line is blocking the doors.

The madness of this year was not the madness I enjoy. Your absence was a part of my feeling of disquiet. I know though, if you were there you would have had to choke-slam a few of the senseless throng.

I'm very sorry we couldn't connect while in Georgia. Perhaps next year. Or maybe if you can find the time we can make that Dinosaur World pilgrimage we've been threatening to make for so long.

All my love for you and Spooky.

PS You're lucky that it's very hard to find Cholroform on short notice...
greygirlbeast
Sep. 5th, 2006 04:48 pm (UTC)
Your absence was a part of my feeling of disquiet.

And I very much missed seeing you guys. I have this sort of plan for next year. I'm thinking perhaps I'll get a room at the Marriott for the weekend, hook up a DVD player and gaming console. Spend one day as Nar'eth and the rest of the time watching DVDs and gaming. Not even bother with the guest nonsense. Let people I want to see know where they can find me. That sort of thing.

we can make that Dinosaur World pilgrimage

Oooooh. Drad.
scarletboi
Sep. 5th, 2006 08:44 pm (UTC)
To be honest, considering the number of people there, you probably wouldn't have had a very good time.

But I wish our abduction plans had succeeded.

Rogue, Jess, Ted and Kelly all send their love, as well.
greygirlbeast
Sep. 5th, 2006 08:57 pm (UTC)
Rogue, Jess, Ted and Kelly all send their love, as well.

Thank you.

To be honest, considering the number of people there, you probably wouldn't have had a very good time.

I expect you're right. Have you heard how many there were this year?
stillsostrange
Sep. 5th, 2006 04:52 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed "Portrait of the Artist as a Young Ghoul," by the way. I've loved all the Sirenia vignettes, but it's one of my favorites.
blu_muse
Sep. 5th, 2006 04:59 pm (UTC)
Nice to know you're listening to Sons & Daughters... which is one of my newly favorite bands. I love a strong female singer and of course I'm a sucker for the Scottish accent. Good stuff. Also, I'm glad you liked The Libertine. It got such shit reviews when it came out but it just proves that the general public is usually wrong. It was a great film - smart smart smart. There were a lot of great lines in it as you pointed out... I should look it up online.

And if the postman doesn't deliver my copy of Alabaster soon, I shall have to beat him. I need my Caitlin fix...

phaedrine
Sep. 5th, 2006 05:10 pm (UTC)
Daughter of Hounds was dutifully preordered last week, and I got my copy of Alabaster on Saturday. Wheee! I'd never gotten to read "In the Garden of Poisonous Flowers", so reading "Les Fleurs Empoisonnees" was a real treat. It's a lovely edition, too. My roommate has not yet had a chance to read your work, but she fell in love with the cover to Alabaster, and she wants to read it as soon as I'm done. :D
nykolus
Sep. 5th, 2006 05:10 pm (UTC)
with all due respect, glad to hear i'm not the only one who HASN'T received their copy...

and 'Faces in Revolving Souls' was, for lack of anything better, awesome. thanks. i look forward to more of Sylvia and/or Fera and that whole curious world.
mackatlaw
Sep. 5th, 2006 06:12 pm (UTC)
Journal Motivations and Economic Realities
"I would remind you that unless the books sell, I will see no point in continuing this journal, either."

You are a free actor, and certainly can and will change your mind at any point. But are you telling us that the sole reason to keep this journal is to promote your works? I know that was the stated goal once, but the journal seems to give you an outlet beyond that of the honorable purpose of commerce.

Economic realities are economic realities. Would you seriously stop this journal, though, if a particular book didn't sell enough copies? And would it be because you're upset with the buying audience response, or because you have to spend the time elsewhere?

I ask this partly out of motivation on my end. I am currently practicing law with hope, but little expectation, of paying the bills. What percentage of your writing goes on regardless of the need to make money?


Curious,
Mack
greygirlbeast
Sep. 5th, 2006 06:22 pm (UTC)
Re: Journal Motivations and Economic Realities
But are you telling us that the sole reason to keep this journal is to promote your works?

Certainly that is the primary purpose of this journal. That's why I started it in 2001. Neil had tried the Blog thing as a promotional tool for American Gods and told me I should give it a shot. And I did. And it has been a useful tool.

Would you seriously stop this journal, though, if a particular book didn't sell enough copies?

I might not end it if any given book ceased to sell X number of copies. But if I stopped publishing, for whatever reason, yes, I would end it.

And would it be because you're upset with the buying audience response, or because you have to spend the time elsewhere?

Both.

What percentage of your writing goes on regardless of the need to make money?

Only a very small percentage. Being a writer is my job. It's work. It's been work since at least 1994. There was a time when I wrote soley for the act of writing, long, long ago. I can't say if I'd still write were I to stop publishing. But most days, if asked, the answer would be no.
mackatlaw
Sep. 6th, 2006 07:03 pm (UTC)
Re: Journal Motivations and Economic Realities
Thank you for answering. I'm glad my questions weren't too snoopy, or you would likely have said so. I do obviously hope your books sell well. As always, I appreciate your thoughts and the courtesy of a response.

Regards,
Mack
drewsilla
Sep. 5th, 2006 06:21 pm (UTC)
Awww...I was in Anniston this weekend, and I would not have stared!! I might have came up and said "Hey", if I recognized you!! Now, for the unwashed redneck masses, I can't account for!! ;)
greygirlbeast
Sep. 5th, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC)
Awww...I was in Anniston this weekend, and I would not have stared!!

This places you squarely in the minority.
xanadu_dreamer
Sep. 5th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC)
Just wanted to say I recieved and read Alabaster, and it's absolutely wonderful. I know it's going to be one of those books that I reread until it falls apart. =)

I'm looking forward to reading Daughter of Hounds when it comes out, too...

(P.S. Is it okay that I use this avatar? If not, I'll certainly delete it.)
greygirlbeast
Sep. 5th, 2006 08:55 pm (UTC)
I know it's going to be one of those books that I reread until it falls apart.

Thank you. That is one of the best compliments of all.

Is it okay that I use this avatar?

Yes, it's entirely okay.
chris_walsh
Sep. 6th, 2006 01:05 am (UTC)
Another satisfied "Alabaster" customer!
Good evening, ma'am, and I'm glad to report my copy of Alabaster with the chap book was waiting for me in my mailbox today. Beautiful book.

And in other nice news, I'll be giving the copy of The Five of Cups I ordered from you via eBay to a friend who I've turned onto your work. She read (my copy of) The Five of Cups and was impressed, and loved the ending.
greygirlbeast
Sep. 6th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC)
Re: Another satisfied "Alabaster" customer!
I'll be giving the copy of The Five of Cups I ordered from you via eBay to a friend who I've turned onto your work. She read (my copy of) The Five of Cups and was impressed, and loved the ending.

I am always surprised when someone likes that book. Pleasantly surprised, but surprised just the same.
( 19 comments — Have your say! )