November 20th, 2012

house of leaves

"Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt."

Comments, please. Remind me the lecture hall isn't empty.

Dark Horse has announced Dark Horse Presents #18, November 21st (tomorrow); the issue will include the return of Dancy. Check it out.

Yesterday, I wrote 1,261 words on the beginning of Chapter Six of Fay Grimmer. I know now that the book only has seven chapters and an epilogue (this will be the fewest number of chapters to be found in any of my novels). Well, maybe an epilogue. I used to be obsessed with epilogues, but that passed some time ago. So, we'll see. What I do know is that this fucker will be finished before midnight on November 30th. No ifs, and, or buts. This dictate supersedes and negates all previous declarations regarding the conclusion of Fay Grimmer. I only have to manage 1,230 words/day between now and then, and surely this battered body and psyche has at least that much self-discipline remaining.

Apologies that Sirenia Digest #83 hasn't yet gone out. The writing was finished at the beginning of the month, but production was derailed by various and sundry other works and work-related catastrophes. Regardless, subscribers should have it very soon. Promise.

I have a fucking headache. Lately, life seems to have become a medley of headaches, foot and joint pain, astounding eye strain, and gastrointestinal distress. You'd think I was fifty-eight, not forty-eight.

This is what happens, Beast, when we spend our lives sitting in a chair, staring at a computer screen, approximately twelve hours a day, every day.

Oh, also Hubero had an upper canine pulled yesterday. Now, he is a Siamese of 2.5 fangs.

Okay, so...on Friday the world was STUNNED with the news that Hostess Brands, Inc (Interstate Bakers) had finally gone belly-up and as of immediately there would never be no more Twinkies and Ho Hos and Ding Dongs and Zingers et al. ever. Ergo, that cunt Little Debbie wins. Of course, junk-food obsessed Americans – like me – screamed and flailed and ran about in ever smaller circles. C'mon, man. There have been Twinkies since 1930! That's almost all my life! Fuck, I remember when Twinkies actually tasted like food. This is back before the introduction of high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS)*, when Twinkies were made with cane and/or beet sugar. Now, regardless of whether or not HFCS puts them what eats the crap at a high risk for obesity, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, along with higher levels of mercury, it definitely transformed the Twinkie from a light spongecake into a gooey, sticky cream-filled slug. Really. When I was a kid, only the inside of a Twinkie was sticky, and then only a little sticky. This is, of course, true of most processed foods that have suffered the introduction of HFCS. If you were born in the late seventies, the eighties, the nineties, you probably have no idea what I'm on about, which, of course, is your fucking loss. Want to know what Coca-Cola actually tastes like? Find some Mexican Coke.

Anyway, turns out, Hostess may survive after all. See, the tragedy here wasn't the loss of an American junk-food icon, but the loss of 18,000 jobs one week before Thanksgiving. There's as an ugly a tale of corporate greed in back of this as has ever been told, but I'm not getting into all of that. But, if Hostess survives, that's gonna make everyone who rushed the supermarkets and convenience stores on Friday feel even stupider than they should already.** Myself totally included:

(Kaylee says hi, by the way.)

Aunt Beast

* (via Wikipedia) HFCS was first introduced by Richard O. Marshall and Earl R. Kooi in 1957. They were, however, unsuccessful in making it viable for mass production. The industrial production process and creation was made by Dr. Yoshiyuki Takasaki at the Agency of Industrial Science and Technology of Ministry of International Trade and Industry of Japan in 1965–1970. HFCS was rapidly introduced to many processed foods and soft drinks in the U.S. from about 1975 to 1985. (Id est: Yep, blame the Japanese.)

** Never mind the dumb fucks paying $100+ on eBay for unopened boxes.