August 23rd, 2012


"As we steal into the blackness of the night you'll never know, you'll never hear us."

Tired. I didn't get to sleep until after four a.m (then woke at ten ayem). I lay awake in bed, watching a thoroughly entertaining South Korean monster flick on the iPad. The most valuable use for the iPad, I have found, is watching movies and television shows while in bed. This is one antidote for my buyer's remorse. Anyway, yes, I lay there listening the Spooky sleep and the cats crashing about the house, and watched Kim Ji-hun's 7광구 (Sector 7; 2011), starring the amazingly adorable Ha Ji-Won. Sadly, I fell asleep in the last fifteen minute or so. We may have to watch it again on Kindernacht. And I have no idea why the film has a 4.4 rating on IMDb, except that there are a lot of douchebags with lousy taste who like rating films.


I was sort of appalled on Monday when I posted my comments regarding the news of Tony Scott's suicide, only to have several people – on Facebook and here on LJ – post comments proclaiming suicide an "exceptionally selfish...act" (that quote, just as an example), including that of terminally ill individuals facing horribly painful and dehumanizing deaths. I'm not going to write an essay on this. I'm going to say what I have to say as succinctly as possible. And there will be no debate/discussion to the contrary, no subsequent arguing over what I am about to write. In my opinion, under no condition is suicide a selfish act. My body and my life are mine, as are yours. No one, under any circumstance, has a right to dictate how one lives or dies. Suicide is my right, and knowing that I have that right – even after the nightmare of having lost Elizabeth to suicide – that keeps me functional many days. I can make this stop any time I please. To proclaim otherwise, no matter how well-meaning may be the declaration, is, well, selfish. If our loved ones cannot bear life, we let them go. Tony Scott ended his life with dignity, careful forethought, and great resolve. He was fucking strong. Period. Now, shut up about this. Thank you.*

This is actually what kept me awake last night, I became so suddenly angry over the comments.


Yesterday, as part of the Help-Caitlín-Get-Better Programme, we drove down to Narragansett. We had doughboys at Iggy's. We ate in the van, as the touron infestation at Iggy's was most unfortunate. Oily, fat, and sunburned nigh unto boiled lobersterdom. Clomping about in hideous clothing and flip-flops. Mooing, as tourons are apt to do. Acting as though Rhode Islanders are here only to serve them. Anyway, the doughboys were hot, sugary and delicious. I'm not supposed to be eating sugar, but I made an exception.

Oh, first we stopped at Spooky's parents. Her mom was out, so we were only able to visit with her dad. And the koi, and Spider the Enormous Cat. Her dad gave me several months worth of Science, insuring my bathroom reading is covered for quite a while. He showed me an apple off one of their trees, with a peculiar blue mold I couldn't identify. But it made me think of "The Colour Out of Space." He also gave us a pint jar of his amazing homemade blueberry preserves. We didn't make it down to pick them this years, mostly because of my fear of ticks and Lyme disease (Lyme borreliosis). Spooky's parents encourage farm snakes, but nothing seems to be able to keep the tick population in Rhode Island at bay. As we left, I realized the grass with filled with beautiful green grasshoppers.

So, jump cut back to Narragansett. After Iggy's, we drove north to Narragansett Beach and Pier. More tourons, but fewer than expected. It's an infamous touron gathering spot. I'd brought along Herr Schnabeltiere, and we sat on the seawall and watched the low waves. The bay was calm, and fuck but I should have been at Beavertail in the sea. The sun was setting, and while Narragansett Beach was in shadow, the sun shown brightly off the phyllite and slate bluffs at Beavertail, 3.19 miles (just measured on Google Earth) north and east. Maybe on Friday, if the weather and tides are right. Anyway, we watched the surfers and a couple of anglers. But the jewels of the evening was spotting a pair of loons only a few yards off shore. Wow! Never before had I seen loons (the Common Loon, Gavia mimer) in the wild. They summer here, but we'd never been lucky enough to run across any. The closest I'll ever come to seeing living hesperornithids. It was the perfect conclusion to a fine drive to South County. readingthedark and sovay and rushthatspeaks, you don't know what you're missing. Or maybe you do. Then again, you guys have lives, and I can't actually say that I do.

And that's enough about yesterday. There are photos behind the cut, including Herr Schnabeltiere, exotic booze, and Selwyn. Today, I stay home.

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Aunt Beast

* None of this is meant to discourage comments. I want your comments. But I cannot here abide such statements regarding subjects about which I am so passionate. Be thoughtful, that's all I ask. Do not parrot popular "wisdom."