April 3rd, 2006



I just needed some time away from the LJ/Blog, some time away, in general. I've spent the past three days clearing away considerable chaos and upheavel and making myself well and ready to work again. Outside, the night is warm and I can hear a cricket chirping, even above the music from the iPod. The warmth is a great relief.

Both caitlinrkiernan.com and caitlin-r-kiernan.com are down for the time being. I've left the old journal page up, for people reading this via Blogger. scarletboi, you should call me or Spooky soonish so we can set something fresh and artful in motion.

Snurched from the paws of grandmofhelsing, this is just the sort of more or less meaningless dorksome statistical nonsense that amuses me no end:

greygirlbeast's LiveJournal popularity rating is 6.30/10.
greygirlbeast is more popular than 99.982% of all LiveJournal users.
greygirlbeast is more popular than 89.8% of their mutual friends.

How popular are you?
LJ Popularity created by thehumangame.

Okay. Bedtime for nixars. I'll make an actual entry in the morning, when my head is not so bleary and not so filled with the smell of coming dreams.

You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your enemies, or, it would seem, your audience.

Rain came in at some point last night. I awoke at eight or so and lay listening to the downpour. As I type this, the sun is coming through the clouds, glinting off the water on the new leaves. I feel sort of giddy, sort of absurdly relieved at this particular spring, as though some part of me truly thought it would never come. The world's awake again. The trees are green, flowers are everywhere, as are bees (both bumble and honey). And red wasps. And yellow jackets. And hornets. A very determined hornet tried for about an hour to get in through my office window yesterday.

I sort of hate to come back after three days away from LJ/Blogger and cause a ruckus right off the bat, or right out of the gate, or whatever, but something's been bothering me for some time now. I resolved yesterday to deal with it, as tactfully as possible (which probably won't be very). It concerns a question which I've raised here before, in passing, regarding, well, realizing that one has readers that one would just as soon not have. And that's an inherently strange thing to say, I know. On the one hand, I need all the readers I can get. But on the other, I must admit that sometimes I wish readers who find me distasteful (or whatever) would spend their time elsewise. But...I'm being vague, and I have something specific in mind. A couple or three weeks back, I was checking who's reading the blog (I do this via Joule, because it's often helpful to see who's interested in what's being said here). Anyway, I have acquired one reader who, on or about the day she "friended" me, wrote of my fiction:

Too dark (see above) – I don’t know if I ever should read her work again. I haven’t since I’ve become a Christian – no light and hardly any air is a bad intellectual and spiritual diet.


would be ambrosia if she would breathe and create from heaven’s breath – as is, pretty amazing, but inhaling her work was always being filled with such a dark and dank cloud, a bad humor.

I found it very odd that this individual (who I'm not naming, but who will surely recognise her words) would feel this way about my writing and yet "friend" me. I mean, isn't that just sort of odd? Anyway, I checked her journal again a couple of weeks later and found the following, which she wrote after having seen V for Vendetta:

I mean that as a writer. I don’t want to enshrine and glorify darkness, I want to focus and craft form for light, give people something to see through.

It was a film with a very political agenda. It was bloody and pathological, too, and it twisted and blurred goodness, and made sexual perversion morally equivalent to married, heterosexual love, which bugged me not because I don’t love people involved in those lifestyles, but because (I’ve been in them, and) it’s not so, and so it’s not fair to sell people a bright lie while you draw them deeper into bondage.

To which I must reply that it's one thing if you don't want to read what I write, if you cannot see that, almost always, I am writing about the light, if only from very dark places, but it's quite another thing to be a homophobic zealot using Xtianity as your shield. To put it bluntly, I really don't want this person, or anyone who would sympathize with the vile things this person has written, the bits I've quoted, reading my stories or novels or even this journal. Indeed, this upset me so badly I have considered making the journal "friends only." But that rather defeats the purpose, as this journal is not my private journal and is being written for my readers. I regret that LJ does not permit me to block LJ users from reading as well as from posting. Am I being unreasonable? I'm emphatically not saying that this person should be forbidden from publicly saying the things she's said, though I find them loathsome and hateful, striking at the very heart of who and what I am. I merely wish she did not read this journal. Frankly, it gives me the creeps, knowing that she's reviewing my thoughts and judging them by the narrow yardstick of her fundamentalist religious beliefs. It is my hope that she will read this and "unfriend" me at once. Of course, that doesn't mean she might not still be reading, but at least she will not be doing so disguised as a "friend." I feel that I only need tolerate intolerance just so far.

After all that, the details of yesterday seem somewhat overshadowed, so I'll make a shorter entry later in the day, an entry about writing and other geeky stuff. I will remind you, though, that only 1 day and 8 hours remain on the "choose your own letter" Frog Toes and Tentacles auction. And that this auction will remove yet another letter from those available. Bid, kiddos, bid. Thank you.

Post the Second (or Third, really).

Thanks to everyone who's taken (or may yet take) the time to comment on this morning's entry. It really is something I've sort of allowed myself to agonize over the last couple of weeks. Unduly, I'm certain, but knowing that doesn't stop me from fretting.

Yesterday, I got back to work on the selkie story, "For One Who Has Lost Herself," after not writing anything for several days. I'm really liking this piece, and it was good to come back to it. I did 770 words yesterday. I'm thinking this story will likely come to about 4,000 words. Sirenia Digest #5 is shaping up to be a longish issue, which is a good thing. The chaos of the last week, the silly day-to-day drama I bring upon myself or which wells up from myself, has made a bit of a frelling train wreck of my schedule. I'm late getting Alabaster proofed, haven't finished the illustrations for "Night," have this whole website redesign thing to deal with, and the Bradbury intro to write. On top of it all, I expect the Daughter of Hounds editorial letter any day now. And Joey LaFaye is begging me to start writing it a full two months before I'd planned to begin.

I've done an amusing little interview sort of a thing for Jeff VanderMeer's blog, VanderWorld, that I still need to e-mail him this evening.

At least the country's gone back to Caitlín Standard Time.

I've been devouring papers on new dinosaurs. Most recently two papers from the latest issue of Geodiversitas, descriptions of the ankylosauroid Antarctopelta (only the second dinosaur named from the antarctic, Cryolophosaurus being the first) and the new carcharodontosaurid theropod from Argentina, Mapusaurus. Drad and awesome beasts. And, if you follow those links, you'll see I'm still stuck on writing articles for Wikipedia.

We've been making good progress with Margot Adler's Drawing Down the Moon, which is definitely the most informative book I've yet to find on Wicca and Neo-Paganism. Next, I think we'll read The Triumph of the Moon by Ronald F. Hutton. Suddenly, so many things about magick and Wicca that have confounded me for so long seem to be coming together. There's a newfound clarity, and new rituals are unfolding in my mind, though I haven't yet written any of them down.

I spent way too much of last night in front of the television, but first there was a documentary on mega-tsunamis, and then the new ep of The Sopranos, and then another documentary, on feathered dinosaurs and dinobirds and early birds. And after that, I started playing Kingdom Hearts II, because Spooky went and rented it yesterday. I've stayed away from the PS2 and the X-Box since finsihing Ico back in December or January, and now Spooky has made a damn'd recidivist of me. But how could I say no to a game with Rikku, Yuna, and Paine? Still, nothing had prepared me for the sheer, balls-to-the-wall, mind-bending weirdness that is Kingdom Hearts. Wow. I mean, imagine dropping a couple of hits of acid and then visiting Disney World with a bunch of cosplayers. It's something like that. But it is is a gorgeous game. I think I'm becoming a stone-cold Square Enix junky, which seems more unlikely than I can even say.

Okay. Last thing. We're down to the final twenty five hours of the "choose your own letter" Frog Toes and Tentacles auction. The winner may choose from M, N, O, P, Q, R, T, U, V, W, and Y. And, of course, you get the handmade silk and velvet "cozy" sewn by mine and Spooky's own paws. Please have a look and consider the degree to which winning this auction would enrich your life. Thank you. Now I'm gonna go outside for a bit and catch the last of the day. There's a marvelous wind out there which I hope will continue into the night.