greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,
greygirlbeast
greygirlbeast

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as bad as it gets

I awoke at 7:45 this morning (I was up until almost 3 a.m.) and wasn't able to get back to sleep again. I didn't wake Spooky until 10:30, which marked a full 48 hrs. that I'd gone without speaking. I hate being awake alone that early, especially when it's so bitterly cold. There's a terrible hollowness, a disquieting amplification of sound, a sense of isolation. I drank pink lemonade Kool-Aid and puttered about online and allowed myself to read things I shouldn't read, and by the time I woke Spooky, my mood was black and brittle. Which it still is. Likely, it'll stay that way for days. I'm tempted to go back to bed. At least it's warm beneath the blankets. I could spend the day reading. I really don't see why I shouldn't do just that. Or board the cat and drive to Miami. One or the other.

I'm not sure what the temperature is right now. Last I checked, it was 27F, with a windchill of 21F. Ugh. And sunny, to boot. Injury, meet insult. Insult, meet injury. For many, many years, I have loved living in old places. The carriage house in Athens. The converted overalls factory in Birmingham. The former Kirkwood Elementary School. But I think this building, which is simply impossible to heat, may finally drive me into the temperate arms of modernity.

I'd hoped to be in better spirits for Solstice. I just have to keep telling myself, this is as bad as it gets. Tomorrow, the days will begin to grow longer again. Another couple of months, and we'll get the first signs of spring.

Yesterday, I did 1,001 words on "Bainbridge," adding the new first section I'd suspected was needed. Each word came only with great reluctance, kicking and screaming. I spoke (by e-mail) with Bill Schafer about including a few B&W photos in my afterword for Alabaster, photos of places mentioned in the stories, as I'd done with Trilobite: The Writing of Threshold, and he agreed it would be a good thing, so I probably shall. My agent's supposed to call today, but seeing as how all NYC is in chaos from the transit strike, I won't be surprised if I don't hear from her.

The whole silence thing...well, it was undeniably weird, but mostly weird in a good way. Towards the end, I even began to think it might be preferable. Much more thought went into each attempt to communicate with Spooky. Nothing was said carelessly. It's something I wish I'd done twenty years ago. Today, speaking seems very peculiar. There's almost a surreal quality to my own voice. In a few days, I'm to go 24 hrs. without seeing, and I expect that to be a much more harrowing experience.

This frelling cold weather. I might at least be writing a winter story right now, instead of a short story set in southwestern Georgia in June. Maybe I should put it aside and write some Nebari fic, perhaps another script for setsuled. Something abysmally frigid, so cold it would make this day seem warm by comparison.

There's a little good news, of course. The creationist yahoos running the public schools in Dover, Pennsylvania have been told that it's unconstitutional to ram religion down the throats of biology students. Judge John Jones stated that it wasn't possible for "intelligent design" to hide its ties to creationism and, hence, its ties to Xtianity. You may download a PDF of the full 139-page decision here. I rather like what Neil had to say: The "why this is not an activist decision by an activist judge" bit on page 137 is terrific, although you're best off getting there the hard way, starting at page 1, including slogging through the appalling behaviour of the people on the School Board who started it, who, despite feeling it was important to expell Darwin (and Darwin's finches) and get the Old Testament God back in the classroom, had somehow managed to fail to realise that any of that stuff in the Bible about bearing false witness applied to them. Of course, none of this is going to phase the idiots who run Pensacola's Dinosaur Adventure Land Theme Park...

Yeah. Okay. I suppose it's time to write. Maybe if my agent does get through today, she can remind me why I shouldn't give this up and find a way to go back to school.
Tags: creationism, dancy, insomnia, writing
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