I did not begin the novel I am trying to begin; maybe tomorrow.
I am trying to disassemble a scaffolding of defense mechanisms I carefully built, beginning last spring, to allow me to cope with COVID-19 lock down/self isolation by minimizing boredom and anxiety, and it is proving far more difficult than I had expected. I did a good job, and tearing the thing down is harder than it was to erect it. Just going outside is a chore – not because I continue to be afraid of catching the coronavirus, but simply because I spent a year virtually never leaving the house because I was afraid of catching the coronavirus. I accounted for almost every minute of every day. I allowed very little "free" time, time that was not allotted to some pursuit scheduled for that specific portion of the day, whether it was reading, working, watching a movie, having a snack, brushing my teeth, or – well, you get the idea. Under normal conditions, this is clearly pathological, but it got me through the thirteen months until Kathryn and I could be vaccinated. Now, I immunity to COVID-19 is about 95%, ~88% against the Delta variant, and, for now, that's as good as I can get. I need to start living like a person again, and, back to where this started, it is not proving easy. Just forcing myself to leave the house for a few minutes a day takes effort. Breaking down that elaborate schedule is proving almost impossible. It does not help that I was reclusive when this began.
Today's comfort movie was Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I miss 1969, when I was five and my heroes were cowboys and astronauts.
Speaking of, yesterday I finished my re-read of The Right Stuff and began re-reading Sagan's The Demon-Haunted World. This book not only warned of America (indeed, the world) arriving at the exact place we currently find ourselves, twenty-five years after it's publication, but it points the way out. If it could be heard.
Kathryn's birthday is still impending, and it's still not too late to have a look at her Amazon wishlist. Thank you.
5:05 p.m. (not a snek)