Mostly sunning today, and it's currently 76˚F.
This thing on Wednesday, the reception at the Hay, is coming at me at me like a freight train, and I do not know what it would be appropriate to feel. But it's likely not the mixture of fear and confusion and anxiety that I feel. And the question that is playing in my head on an endless loop, "What the fuck am I supposed to do next?" At age 53, an Ivy League university has accepted my papers and there's to be a four-month exhibit. Whatever I was trying to prove, I've proven it as well as I ever will. And yes, I was trying to prove something to a lot of people who could see me only a a loser. Actually, it took so long a few of them died before I got this far, so fuck them. Regardless, if I am to continue, there has to be some new motivation, and it has to be greater than the need to keep the bills paid. Add to this the frustration that comes from getting this sort of recognition but still struggling just to keep those aforementioned bills paid. "We will celebrate your fascinating, culturally significant life and your work, Caitlín R. Kiernan, and we apologize if you wind up on the street with your rotten teeth because no one buys your books. Rest secure in the knowledge that all this junk of yours will be preserved for generations to come." Right, so, that's where I am today.
Spooky's mom came by early in the afternoon yesterday. She brought me this brightly painted lizard thing from Santa Fe. I put it on a shelf in my office.
Also, no more news. No more Twitter. No more politics on my Facebook. New rules. I have to write & get well. I cannot save the world.
Last night, Twin Peaks and Game of Thrones. Cherry pie. I read "Cyclotosaurus naraserluki, sp. nov., a new Late Triassic cyclotosaurid (Amphibia, Temnospondyli) from the Fleming Fjord Formation of the Jameson Land Basin (East Greenland)," and I read "Leiokarinosuchus brookensis, Pholidosaurus meyeri, or Anteophthalmosuchus hooleyi? What is this croc?" I got to bed about 4 a.m.
Today, I hope, work, if the chaos can be kept at bay.
10:30 a.m.
This thing on Wednesday, the reception at the Hay, is coming at me at me like a freight train, and I do not know what it would be appropriate to feel. But it's likely not the mixture of fear and confusion and anxiety that I feel. And the question that is playing in my head on an endless loop, "What the fuck am I supposed to do next?" At age 53, an Ivy League university has accepted my papers and there's to be a four-month exhibit. Whatever I was trying to prove, I've proven it as well as I ever will. And yes, I was trying to prove something to a lot of people who could see me only a a loser. Actually, it took so long a few of them died before I got this far, so fuck them. Regardless, if I am to continue, there has to be some new motivation, and it has to be greater than the need to keep the bills paid. Add to this the frustration that comes from getting this sort of recognition but still struggling just to keep those aforementioned bills paid. "We will celebrate your fascinating, culturally significant life and your work, Caitlín R. Kiernan, and we apologize if you wind up on the street with your rotten teeth because no one buys your books. Rest secure in the knowledge that all this junk of yours will be preserved for generations to come." Right, so, that's where I am today.
Spooky's mom came by early in the afternoon yesterday. She brought me this brightly painted lizard thing from Santa Fe. I put it on a shelf in my office.
Also, no more news. No more Twitter. No more politics on my Facebook. New rules. I have to write & get well. I cannot save the world.
Last night, Twin Peaks and Game of Thrones. Cherry pie. I read "Cyclotosaurus naraserluki, sp. nov., a new Late Triassic cyclotosaurid (Amphibia, Temnospondyli) from the Fleming Fjord Formation of the Jameson Land Basin (East Greenland)," and I read "Leiokarinosuchus brookensis, Pholidosaurus meyeri, or Anteophthalmosuchus hooleyi? What is this croc?" I got to bed about 4 a.m.
Today, I hope, work, if the chaos can be kept at bay.
10:30 a.m.
- Current Location:Providence, RI
- Current Mood:
tired - Current Music:Poe, "Haunted"
Page Summary
Comments
- 25 Mar 2023, 12:08One consideration is that an author's photo current at the time the book was written makes an interesting accompaniment to a given edition.
- 17 Mar 2023, 02:21Jack Black's performance is so close to working in so many of his scenes that you can see why they brought him on, but ultimately nothing about his performance works. And I feel like there was…
- 13 Mar 2023, 22:16Tár should have taken away something, though that it didn't feels amusingly of a piece with its darkly comic denouement so I can't be too mad
- 24 Feb 2023, 22:14Hopefully, the weather is more fitting tomorrow.
- 21 Feb 2023, 22:39I saw this take on twitter about the Dahl thing that I more or less agree with. Sadly Dahl isn't just Dahl's work any more. Roald Dahl is a multimillion dollar brand cynically managed by an estate…
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(*all trite and treacly and such, but it's the best I got right now, supportive-ish and whatnot.)
And fuck all the ones who never saw you for who you are.
Fuck them right in the ear.