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Overcast and chilly. Currently, it's 63˚F. I do not know how I'll survive this gauntlet of grey, wet, cold days to see the sun again, on the other side of my goddamn birthday. It was after four before I got to sleep. I slept maybe five hours.

I tried to write yesterday, but it didn't happen. It was all I could do yesterday to keep breathing.

Last night, Kathryn and I watched Gone With the Wind (1939). I hadn't seen it in decades. What a beautiful film, Technicolor like all the world on fire. It's really a much better film than I member it being.

Some notes from Facebook:

5/23 ~ It has become of question, for me, of trying to discover a way to exist and function in the near complete absence of hope, which is something I have never before had to contend with. I just don't see any way forward.

5/23 ~ The problem with public expressions of utter despair is that it is in human nature to try and help, even when there is no hope of helping. It's like trying to resuscitate a fucking corpse.

5/24 ~ This country, and others, might yet have a chance at survival if the internet – more toxic than plutonium – could be shut down, completely and entire. End the fast-as-light, satellite-ferried flood of fake news and casual lies and knee-jerk hysteria, information overload, subversive white noise, reactionary outrage and discontent and propaganda. Close down this dream venue for trolls and anarchists, idiots and conspiracy theorists and all tyrants of all stripes, fuel for dissatisfaction and discontent. Take from "the people" a technology they will likely never possess the requisite, collective wisdom and education to be trusted with. Let things settle back to old pre-1994 equilibria, when lies and fury could only move at the speed of TV, radio, rotary telephones, and print, and democracy was not ruined by the mindless democritization of media. And we might have a chance. In the ensuing silence and calm, we could remember ourselves. But we will not do this, because humanity can never put the djinn back in the bottle. We can never step back from the precipice, once we've looked over the edge and seen our doom grinning back at us.

Aunt Beast

10:47 a.m.


( 2 comments — Have your say! )
May. 24th, 2017 09:46 pm (UTC)
Have you ever read the original novel? I've made two attempts so far to read Gone With the Wind and hope someday to finish it; I have a movie tie-in edition my dad's parents got back in the day.
May. 26th, 2017 04:56 am (UTC)
I agree it is human nature to want to help, and I agree that it is frustrating and wearing when someone wants to help but says/does things that make me feel worse bc as you said, it is like resuscitate a corpse. Sarcasm and outright rudeness back to the person/s is too often my response but 24 years of disability and ppl act as if I could be better if I did AB or C but I for whatever choose _not_ to be better. What an insult.

A friend and I have been having an ongoing conversation about internet and cell phones being gone for a while now - blocked by nefarious forces or whatever and it would be something forced on the nation and not a choice - and how the US might react and how we'd react. Mail would become important as would phone calls if landlines were working bc we need to stay in touch. I won't bore you w. the rest of our musings but it is all pre-internet skills that have lost favor bc of digital and electronic devices.
( 2 comments — Have your say! )