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"It's a lonely road, full of tired men."

It's sunny here, and the sky is far too blue.

I'm numb, I think. After crying for most of Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, this numbness settled over me. I think it's shock. It would be easy to allow this numbness to shut me down. It might even be easy for me to allow this numbness to push me towards accepting what's happened and trying to go back to life as usual. That's the thing I have to fight.

Yesterday, we had to go out to the pharmacy to refill a prescription, and I saw two people on the street just weeping. It was the strangest thing. And Providence at noon on a weekday seemed a lot more like Providence on a Sunday. The streets on this side of town were all but deserted. At lunchtime, most of the restaurants on Atwells seemed deserted or near to it.

The two things that have stuck with me the most, though, is my mother declaring "No more church for me." My mother is a very devout, lifelong churchgoer. The other thing was hearing that my eight year old nephew (who lives in Brooklyn) "broke down" when his mother told him that Trump had won. The world is on its head.

Today, Kathryn and I begin seriously exploring our options for emigration. Montréal and Ireland are both on the table. Montréal is by far the most practical, but we'll see. I have no idea what we're going to do with all our belongings. A very large storage unit, I imagine. As much as I can imagine anything. And if you think leaving makes me a coward, and I seem to be getting that vibe off some people, I don't suppose there's anything I can do about that.

Aunt Beast


( 15 comments — Have your say! )
Nov. 10th, 2016 03:45 pm (UTC)
I do not remotely blame you for wanting to leave the country. I would, too, if I could afford it.
Mitchell Henson
Nov. 10th, 2016 03:53 pm (UTC)
I grew up in Northern Virginia and North Carolina in the 1950's and 60's. I believe under the Republicans and Trump things are going to get worse. So, no you're not a coward.
Nov. 10th, 2016 03:57 pm (UTC)
And if you think leaving makes me a coward, and I seem to be getting that vibe off some people, I don't suppose there's anything I can do about that.

Walking away from something is a sign of strength, not cowardice. Choosing to take a stand displays a sense of integrity and character that is sorely lacking in those who fling around the word or vibe coward, especially since those easily inclined to do such things come not from a place of superiority over anyone taking a stand but from their inabilities to deal with seeing things in other people they cannot find or see in themselves.
Nov. 10th, 2016 04:13 pm (UTC)
I've done a little bit of thinking about long distance international moves and I think the best bet is to sell as much as is not essential and pack up the stuff you can't bear to part with for a professional international moving company. You can find a mover through Google. Montreal or thereabouts would be easier, if you have a little French at your disposal, since it is an overland move. Ireland would involve all or part of a container on a cargo ship and it would take about six weeks to get your stuff back. If you are not sure about your move then your best bet is storing your things for a few months. You can do that through a regular storage place or through the moving company. The moving company will be a bit more expensive and some of them aren't very good about making sure you get everything back from their storage according to the feedback I have been reading.
Nov. 10th, 2016 04:56 pm (UTC)
If I were younger and didn't have things tying me down I'd seriously consider emigration.
Nov. 10th, 2016 05:34 pm (UTC)
Don't ever listen to ANYONE who calls YOU a coward. After you've survived the hardships that I'm sure you've been through for much of your life, you definitely deserve to live your life the way you see fit, and if that involves moving out of the country to make life a little easier for you in the future, you go right ahead.
Nov. 10th, 2016 05:56 pm (UTC)
You do what you have to do. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. For those who have to stay here we will keep fighting. I hope compassion will prevail in the end. I'm ok with being perceived as naive for wanting that.
Nov. 10th, 2016 06:03 pm (UTC)
Having never felt entirely comfortable in the US (for many many reasons), I have over the past twenty-five years explored emigration options - and every time, I run into brick walls. The options seem very limited:

1. Marry someone from the other country
2. Have a very large bank account (because these days, countries want proof that you aren't going to be a drain on government resources and that you can financially take care of yourself)
3. Have certain specific skillsets, most of which are in the STEM or medical industries.

Having none of those three, I gave up. If you know of a way to get around these, please tell me because I would still consider the possibility if it were a viable one.

Edited at 2016-11-10 07:05 pm (UTC)
Nov. 10th, 2016 07:10 pm (UTC)
My research echoes yours. Australia even states explicitly that they are looking for migrants who will make a "substantial investment" in the country--dollar amount not listed. Even Ireland, that still offers a tax exemption for income payments to resident artists and writers, does not have a corresponding visa category for would-be resident artists and writers--at least not one I could find.
Nov. 10th, 2016 06:59 pm (UTC)
Today, Kathryn and I begin seriously exploring our options for emigration.

Do what you need to do to be safe. I will miss you, but I would miss you more if anything permanent happened.
Nov. 10th, 2016 09:08 pm (UTC)
Only you can decide what's best for your safety. I just wish this weren't a decision you were forced to make; the country has let you down (and let all of us down).
Nov. 10th, 2016 11:07 pm (UTC)
Keep taking care of yourself. I don't blame you one bit for looking to emigrate.
Francine Hibiscus Rossi
Nov. 11th, 2016 01:37 am (UTC)
If you can leave, do it. Bear in mind that the US makes life hard for expats in myriad ways, so do the research regarding banking, etc.

How could leaving this sinking ship be cowardly? Taking the leap of faith and moving to a strange country is plenty brave.
Nov. 11th, 2016 06:45 am (UTC)
Leaving is prudent. You can keep your citizenship and vote against the bastards from overseas (presuming they don’t manage to tear that down).
Marc D. Goldfinger
Nov. 11th, 2016 06:43 pm (UTC)
Do what's best for you.
Just a heads up--I heard there will be a million women march on DC on Jan 21st. Bad timing weather wise but so it goes.

My pharmacist said people came in crying to the store too.
( 15 comments — Have your say! )