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"The sky above won't fall down."

Yesterday was not merely a bad day. It was close to the gold standard, and, worse yet, it was a bad day that resisted my concerted efforts to pull out of the darkness. But at least there was light at the end of it, with the news that Clinton had won New York.

Today, it's sunny and still cold. Currently, it's 53˚F, which would be fine. In early February.

Yesterday morning I woke to the news that the tree outside my office window is going to be cut down. Twice now Kathryn and I have managed to save that tree. But this time, I'm pretty sure there's nothing we can do. The new owner wants it gone. This is the tree that shades the western side of the house in summer (admittedly, an abysmally short season). This is the tree that has helped to keep me functional time after time after time. On this bleak and almost treeless New England street, it's a small mercy. And I honestly don't know how I'm going to cope with the loss of it. Saturday or Sunday someone will come with saws and axes, and then it will be gone, and it will be that much harder for me to sit down at this desk every day and try to work.

This year, it will not even be permitted to green.

And so it goes.

I have this sickness in the very center of me. It never leaves. But there are times it eclipses the world.

There are other things I was going to say today, but suddenly I see how they are of no consequence whatsoever.

Aunt Beast


( 7 comments — Have your say! )
Apr. 20th, 2016 04:30 pm (UTC)
People tend to think only in terms of large scale when thinking of humans destroying nature but it's the average disregard for things, the failure to just let them be, that contributes to that large scale. The absence of a familiar tree is like a severed limb from the landscape. It never feels good to me. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Marc D. Goldfinger
Apr. 20th, 2016 05:05 pm (UTC)
Across the street from us a family moved away that had been there over 40 years, longer than us. All of a sudden, bam! they took down this row of beautiful trees and put bushes there instead.

In our backyard, when we sat on the porch, the giant maple trees shaded us and we had cold drinks and laughed.

The maple trees were in the backyard next to ours. There were five of them. They cut three of them down because their grass wouldn't grow. Fuck. Hot sun on the back porch. We never sit there anymore. What were they thinking?
Apr. 20th, 2016 05:45 pm (UTC)
I will mourn for your tree...
Kiki Lang
Apr. 20th, 2016 06:33 pm (UTC)
into the darkness.
What kind of tree is it? Get some seeds. Are the cutting late in the season? Put some soil in a bag, with sphagnum (?), and rooting compound. Keep it wet. Roots will form,and pot it. You will lose some shade, but not the tree.
Apr. 20th, 2016 06:35 pm (UTC)
This year, it will not even be permitted to green.

I am sorry to hear about your tree. Trees are important for many reasons from oxygen to emotion to holding back the sky. What does the new owner have against it?

Edited at 2016-04-20 06:35 pm (UTC)
Larry Torre
Apr. 20th, 2016 11:36 pm (UTC)
office window

sorry that you had such a bad day.......having that tree gone from your window (view) will be a shame....I know that it helps keep you grounded. wish there were something I could do.
Apr. 21st, 2016 06:13 am (UTC)
Damn them for killing a piece of nature. Here, the city has laws protecting trees within a certain distance from the street from being cut down or heavily pruned without city permission. I'm so sorry there isn't a similar law there.
( 7 comments — Have your say! )