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It snowed until about 5 p.m., I think. And there's talk of more on Monday and Tuesday, maybe another winter storm. So, today we have to make it to the market, which means slogging through the ice and snow and slush all the way to the East Side. Currently, it's 31˚F. The sun is blindingly bright off all the snow.

I feel very slightly better today, though, once again, I hardly managed to sleep.

No work yesterday, aside from email with ST Joshi and Centipede Press, Chris Morey (Dark Regions Press) and my agent. The day was spent mostly on my back, coasting through waves of aches and chills, queasiness, watering eyes, snot, cramps, serious anxiety, and mild headachiness. The chills are the worst of it. And the stark cruelness of sobriety. As of tonight, it will have been three days. Which is the longest I've been clean in...years. Some part of me questions the wisdom of writing about this in public, for the public, but if you read my fiction, and if you follow the blog, there should be no surprises here. And it is one of the few up sides of being a freelance author that no one's gonna give me a bad reference next time I apply for a job. There's no shame here.

"Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use of any other drug with special horror." ~ WSB

Late in day, Spooky and I worked on an Edward Gorey jigsaw puzzle, and then I passed out, and she worked on it alone. Right now, sleep is my friend. It just seems to be a friend who wants to keep its distance.

I have a few photos from yesterday and last night. Just before sunset, the sun broke through the clouds, that low-to-the-southern-horizon, highish-latitude sun, and set the treetops and rooftops on fire:



















All photographs Copyright © 2016 by Kathryn A. Pollnac and Caitlín R. Kiernan



“The story goes on and leaves the writer behind, for no story is ever done.” ~ John Steinbeck

Later,
Aunt Beast

Comments

( 6 comments — Have your say! )
setsuled
Feb. 6th, 2016 05:21 pm (UTC)
As of tonight, it will have been three days. Which is the longest I've been clean in...years.

Well done, I imagine that was even more difficult than your words convey. And your words make it sound pretty fucking hard.

Some part of me questions the wisdom of writing about this in public, for the public

Well, it's certainly in the spirit of Burroughs and the beat writers. Anyway, I worry about you and it's nice to have some idea what's happening.

And it is one of the few up sides of being a freelance author that no one's gonna give me a bad reference next time I apply for a job.

I do wonder sometimes how many jobs and relationships Google has cost me. Though in terms of relationships I'm probably better off.

Really nice photos. I hope what you're going through isn't the kind of thing that lasts a long time.
sovay
Feb. 6th, 2016 08:16 pm (UTC)
As of tonight, it will have been three days. Which is the longest I've been clean in...years.

Congratulations.

Just before sunset, the sun broke through the clouds, that low-to-the-southern-horizon, highish-latitude sun, and set the treetops and rooftops on fire

The quality of light in the second-to-last of the sunset photographs is amazing.
Eric Cantwell
Feb. 6th, 2016 10:11 pm (UTC)
By day 7 I was feeling pretty solid. Sincerely, watch out for roughly day 30. That's when I felt confident and would play with the idea of a fairytale "vacation".
tziedel
Feb. 7th, 2016 04:22 am (UTC)
It's hard, but it's worth it. Rooting for you, Cait.
everville340
Feb. 7th, 2016 07:49 pm (UTC)
Sometimes the saying sounds like a bunch of trite crap but it really is 'one day at a time'. I can only speak from my own experience, but it's easy to get caught up in the finality of succeeding or failing at it. No matter what choices tomorrow may bring, that you decided to try will always be the buried treasure in the cloud of today you can hold on to.

I wish I had my own words for "Study for an Electronaut's Ovid (AD 2052)", but you put it perfectly when you said it might be the best thing you've written in some time. It certainly is.
The Bowie is strong in you.
Kiki Lang
Feb. 8th, 2016 03:14 pm (UTC)
Oh.
Didn't know, glad to hear you're doing well. Really, I'm pleased by your success.
( 6 comments — Have your say! )