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No Sleep Demons #12 and 35

It's 5:09 pm CST. I slept for about 45 minutes, then woke.

And here I am, after almost of month of this bullshit, beginning to believe that my late an unlamented dependence on gabapentin has forever destroyed my ability to sleep. As irrational as the fear may sound to those of who have not been awake for the better part of a month, to my insomniac's mind it is purest reason. And it is terrifying.

My stomach and bowels are short from the stress. I'm drinking Maalox.

I took 5mg of Ambien. I'm going to go lie in the dark with my sour belly and hope the sun comes only very slowly.

This is how it is with insomnia. Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. The insomnia distance of everything, you can't touch anything and nothing can touch you. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Awake,
Aunt Beast

Comments

( 4 comments — Have your say! )
alumiere
Dec. 16th, 2015 10:22 pm (UTC)
insomnia sucks.

i got my copy of the limited edition yesterday, which will keep me company through many nights of sleep fail. it's gorgeous.
GingeryGamer
Dec. 16th, 2015 10:50 pm (UTC)
Insomnia
I started on an antipsychotic several years ago and quickly learned that I was among the 5 percent of the population who, when medicated, experience a massive, total inability to sleep. It took weeks of explaining to my doctor that no, I wasn't overdoing caffeine, or eating too late, or screwing up my sleep pattern with screens or flickering lights. I was just Not Sleeping. At all. For days at a time. I remember wanting to die rather than see another sunrise. When I finally convinced the doctor to give me Ambien, it didn't work right away. He low-dosed me and all it did was put me to sleep for an hour. I'd wake up and feel sicker than before. All that to say, I feel for you. Ambien works great when it works, but finding that sweet spot that knocks you out fully but doesn't mess you up is a pain in the ass. Good luck!
xjenavivex
Dec. 17th, 2015 01:52 am (UTC)

I'm sorry this sucks so bad.

flizarraga
Dec. 18th, 2015 06:30 pm (UTC)
I Feel Your Pain: Insomnia Fucking Sucks
I'm a lifetime insomniac who actually has memories of watching his parents' bed through the bars of his cradle. Sleep medication like Ambien and the like has never done diddlysquat for me, and opiates and opioids actually keep me from sleeping.

The only things I have found that help in my case are doxylamine --which does put me down, but makes me REALLY cranky-- and homeopathic formulas like Calms Forté, which take the edge off and allow me to take a few precious hours of restorative sleep --emphasis on FEW and in MY case, as what work for one insomniac does not necessarily work for another, unfortunately.

I have also found acupuncture to help, but of course it can be costly and most insurance plans don't cover it.

Edited at 2015-12-18 06:31 pm (UTC)
( 4 comments — Have your say! )