greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,

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Howard Hughes and the Big Nothing

Probably the worst pain day I've had in quite a while. The Vicodin* supply is low, so I'm settling for Tylenol. I hardly slept. I have to try to wake up and clear my muddled head. Right now, the pain is a sheet of wet cheesecloth covering my face. I think it's wet with gasoline.

I've not been working. I've been dithering, fretting, worrying, wasting. Wasting time and everything else. It has to stop, and it has to stop today. There's a mountain of work in front of me. The screenplay has to be written. There's all manner of editing to be done. There's no time for this.

The days have smeared together.

I have a few notes from Facebook:

And suddenly I am very much wishing to visit Dublin again. I haven't been since April 1996, when Billy and I spoke at Trinity College. I'd spend a week eating, drinking, and buying sweaters.

~ and ~

There are few things more frustrating than having a great title and no story that fits it. This happens fairly often.

~ and ~

Far too much of my work the last three years seems to come down to stunt writing. Jumping through hoops. Pulling rabbits out of hats. Gimmickry. Et cetera. This is what has to end. Well, one thing that has to end. (And FB doesn't know how to spell "et cetera.")

~ and ~

Honestly, "Interstate Love Song," written last July (or June?)** is the last thing I wrote that was worth a damn.

I loathe Facebook. I genuinely do. I loathe the way I've begun to transplants the brief comments I make there to here, often in place of attempting a more thoughtful entry consisting of, you know, paragraphs. It's lazy.

And speaking of FB, here is the most perfect example of one sort of Scary Fan, posted to Nic Pizzolatto's page:

Hello Mr. Nic Pizzolatto, I would love to share my idea with you about a possible season 3 of True Detective. I'm a huge fan and I think some fan suggestions could help you with the creative process. It won't be a long message just a suggestion on a possible location. I don't want any credit if you like the idea or anything like that. I would love to help in anyway I can so you and your crew can put a compelling show together once again.

You can't make this shit up. Well, you can, but why bother when it already exists.

Also, I'm fairly certain I want to title my next short story collection Nothing I Have Is What I Want.

Aunt Beast

* Please don't advise me on medication. Thank you.
** It was, in fact, written in June of 2014.
Tags: "interstate love song", 1996, 2014, billy, distraction, editing, facebook, frustrations, ireland, laziness, lost days, nic pizzolatto, nothing i have is what i want, pain, pills, regret, scary fans, the red tree, titles, true detective, wasted days

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