greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,

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"All I ever wanted, all I ever needed..."

How do you break a fairy tale? You send Cinderella back to her cinders.

Or back to scrubbing toilets.

This is, near as I could tell, the message of the almost indescribably insipid Jupiter Ascending. I have been a steadfast admirer of the Wachowskis ever since Bound (1996). Though, I will admit that I skipped Speed Racer, because the very idea made me shudder. Still, I'm the person who loved all three Matrix films, and Cloud Atlas is somewhere on my "All-Time Favorites" list. I did not think I would ever loathe a Wachowski film (back to why I didn't see Speed Racer). So, I was completely fucking dumbfounded by Jupiter Ascending. Sure, it's a technical masterpiece – if you can get past all the contrived action sequences and camera angles tailored to 3D. The SFX are frequently breathtaking. But that's it. That's all there is. There's simply nothing else of merit to the entire undertaking. There's a screenplay that might have been written in an afternoon. By a twelve year old. There's wooden acting and Inexplicable direction. There's a film score that does its best to beat our ears into submission. Oh, and there's Mila Kunis. if I never again have to suffer a single moment of Mila Kunis, it'll be far too soon.

In the wake of the SJWs attack on Joss Whedon for...well, nothing...I'm hesitant to even talk about sexism in a science fiction/fantasy film, for fear of guilt by association. But for fuck's sake. The moral of our story is that rather than seize the power behind an intergalactic dynasty, it's better to be on your knees scrubbing toilets to help support your sloppy caricature of a Russian immigrant family, who are generally of the – stated – opinion that "men don't like smart women." Because they might buy you a telescope off eBay. Your caricature of a Russian immigrant family, I mean. Including your sleazy cousin Vladie who wants to harvest your ovaries so he can buy a cool new gaming system. And, anyway, you can always sneak off and ice skate in the sky with your half-wolf boyfriend.

So, there you go: The first Wachowski film I've ever hated. Or even disliked. Or even not loved. But it's true that I skipped Speed Racer. I'm just glad that blizzards stopped me from paying to see this turd in the theater.


Here in Providence it's 66˚f and sunny, not a cloud to be seen in that seamless blue sky. I'm missing, in the worst way, those days that made it into the eighties. Maybe that'll happen again in another week or three.

Please have a look at the current eBay auctions. There are auctions ending today, including one for the first copy of Black Helicopters that we've ever offered (and my supply of these is very limited).

Oh, and speaking of the inexplicable public shaming of Joss When, Franklin Harris (grandmofhelsing) has written a nice piece on the Age of Ultron kerfuffle.

There’s liberal feminism, which is about empowering women, women having the same opportunities as men, and expanding the range of choice available to women. Then there’s the feminism that leads people to send hate tweets Whedon’s way, at least until he left Twitter.

The latter is the feminism of “social justice,” summed up by video game critic Anita Sarkeesian (a friend of Whedon’s, ironically enough) when she tweeted recently, “Feminism is about the collective liberation of women as a social class. Feminism is not about personal choice.”

A feminism that isn’t about personal choice is a perverse thing indeed.


Aunt Beast
Tags: bad movies, cloud atlas, cold spring, feminism, feminism gone wrong, joss whedon, marx, the matrix, the wachowskis, the wide carnivorous sky
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