greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,

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Hell is white.

I just wrote an entry and...somehow...I erased it. So...really, I should give up and go to bed. It was eloquent. It was well composed. This will be shit. Unless I just go to bed, in which case, it will be nothing. Fuck you, LJ. Fuck you, computer. Why the text didn't autosave, I have no idea. It's autosaving now.

I'm back in Providence, where it's snowing. We leave to return to Woodstock at 10:30 a.m., which means, mercifully, I'll be out of this shithole in another 8 hrs. and 44 minutes or so.

I was just reading back over my "stale Hell" photo entries from last February and March. Last February and March were very, very bad in Providence. This is very, very worse. I will assume that the reason no one's much talking about how bad things are in Providence is that things are so much worse in Boston, where there are more people. But it's very bad here. Most streets are hardly cleared. There a snowbank at the end of our drive that's more than six feet tall. The Providence River above the Point Street Bridge is more solidly frozen than I have ever seen it freeze; the snow overlaying the ice makes it impossible to tell where the river ends and the banks begin. Every winter since I came here in 2008 has been worse, and every summer has been shorter and cooler. But this is, by far, the worst winter (after an almost nonexistent summer).

It's filthy, squalid, ugly, bitter, and cold. No one has to live like this.

If Neil had not let us overwinter in the cabin, I honestly don't think I would have survived this shit. Not this year.

In March, or whenever, when the snow has melted and the river has thawed and the temperatures are at least mostly above freezing, I'll be coming back and starting the process of packing this place up. And we'll be leaving. I don't know for where yet. But almost certainly somewhere far south, back to Birmingham or Atlanta, most likely. Maybe Athens, Georgia. I really don't fucking care, just so long as I never again have to endure a New England winter. By May, I mean to be free and clear of this place, forever. I have given this place seven years of my life, and that's all it gets. This year, I will have a true summer.

Aunt Beast
Tags: 2007, 2008, athens, atlanta, birmingham, boston, choices, decisions, failure, ice, mistakes, mollusks, moving, neil, providence, rhode island, squalor, stale hell, the south, winter, woodstock

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