greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,
greygirlbeast
greygirlbeast

"Up in the morning, up and on the ride."

Sunny today and the sky a wide and carnivorous blue. Yesterday, I wrote "... the sun is mostly back, after some rain yesterday." Then the weather, that traitorous bastard, made a liar out of me. It turned cloudy, with only intermittent shafts of sunlight reaching the ground. There was a little rain. At least the tree outside my window is still green.

This morning I was reading over blog entries from 2008, 2009, 2010, and I saw in them, heard in them, a more active, more alive person. A more engaged person, someone who'd not so completely distanced herself from the world. Someone who took the time to discuss films, late night trips to the observatory, an MMO. And who had the energy to write about them. By comparison, this LJ has become a sad, anemic thing. My mind is so fuzzy and my body so tired, and I am so preoccupied with the ultimately futile effort of anything like keeping a public, daily journal, that I find it almost impossible to focus for the length of a decently long paragraph.

It's a symptom....

---

Yesterday, I began a new vignette for Sirenia Digest #105, "The Green Abyss." I wrote 1,007 words. It's a dream that I had a few nights ago, a deep green pool and what I saw there.

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The eBay auction for Frog Toes and Tentacles ends in about three hours. Please have a look, if you've been looking to find a copy of this rare and long out-of-print volume (since May 2005). Thanks muchly.

I've got to get out of this house. First, I have to write. But then, soon, I have to get out of this house.

Stunned,
Aunt Beast
Tags: "the green abyss", 2005, 2008, 2009, 2010, blogging long-term, depression, exhaustion, ft&t, weather
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