greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,

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"Before I came out here I never used to pray."

Today the pain is probably at a 5. It isn't cold, but it isn't warm. The clouds come and go, intermittently hiding the indecent autumn sky.

Four days ago (counting today) – And what day was that? Wednesday? Tuesday? – I finished Part 1 (of 5) of Alabaster: The Good, the Bad, and the Bird. My editor loves it. I'm not sure what to make of the thing. Mostly, having finished 1 means now I have to write 2. Though, first I should probably stop and do Sirenia Digest #105. I needed to have the Dark Horse work done my October 31st. That's not going to happen. If all goes well, I'll have it finished by the end of November, instead.

On Thursday, we went down to South County, to Spooky's parents' place, because they're away in Germany. We were going to visit Moon Stone Beach yesterday, before heading back to Providence. But for one reason or another, we didn't. Something stopped us that wouldn't have stopped us two or three years ago. Likely it would be more accurate to say that something stopped me. I am developing what seems almost to be a dread of the sea, a strange 180˚ turnabout from where I once was that I am at a loss to satisfactorily explain. This is hard on Spooky, who misses our once-regular trips to the shore. Spooky took photos at her parents', but I don't have any edited and uploaded.

I really think this blog is dying. It's not as if I have nothing to say here. It's more like I haven't the energy I used to have. rarely seems worth the trouble. And, too, pretty much anything I have to say will be controversial, and that brings me back around to the lack of energy. I haven't the energy to argue in an increasingly contentious and trollish environment.

November 21st will mark my twelfth anniversary as a blogger.

I really should not have come back after I shut this LJ down on April on April 15th (it's tenth anniversary). But the spirit was weak.

So is the flesh. I think it's imploding.

Aunt Beast
Tags: alabaster, blogging long-term, deadlines, depression, dread, exhaustion, pain, the sea, too much work

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