greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,

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"Looking down on empty streets, all she can see..."

Here in Providence, it's rainy and 46˚F, but feels like 36˚F. It rained hard all night, and I didn't get to sleep until sometime after 4:30 a.m., despite the Seroquel.

Yesterday, I wrote 1,876 words on Chapter Seven of Cherry Bomb.

I left the House. But I always leave the House now. I've left the House at least once a day for the past 47 days. I would guess that the last time I went out that many consecutive days would have been the summer of 1997, just before I moved from Athens back to Birmingham. I'm not sure that it's making me healthier, and I'm no happier, but I feel less like a stereotype. People say, "I don't see what your problem is? Why do you want to go Outside? Why, if I had my way, I'd never leave the House." And I say to them, fuck you.

I find those people almost as annoying as the ones who tell me to sit beneath a lightbulb if the winter bothers me.

I'm not sure I have anything else just now. I'm tired. I hurt. I don't want to be here. It all sounds the same.

Dreaming of mercy,
Aunt Beast
Tags: 1997, alabama, athens, birmingham, cherry bomb, cold spring, depression, exhaustion, outside, pain, rain, shitheels, shut in

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