greygirlbeast (greygirlbeast) wrote,
greygirlbeast
greygirlbeast

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"My sails in rags with the staggers and the jags."

I hear it's snowing in Athens. Athens, Georgia. Two to four inches, I think Kathryn told me. I remember one or two snows from my years in Athens. I have this photograph of the Carriage House – where I lived – in snow. A white dusting on the magnolia that gave me a view of green all year round. Warning, large photo. I didn't feel like opening Photoshop and wrestling with resizing it. Anyway, this would have been 1996 or 1997. Fuck, it could have been 1995. Or even 1994, my first winter there. I honestly cannot recall which year, and the photos are undated. A few years ago, I had a memory.



Here in Providence, it's sunny and 18˚F, but the windchill is at 10˚F. We still have snow from many, many days ago.

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Pete Seger died yesterday. I'm not sure if I have words for that. No, I don't.

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I haven't left the House in eleven days.

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Marooned in Rhode Island, one thing I miss most is noon. There is no noon here. Not really. The sun is never truly overhead, but always hanging somewhere low towards the southern horizon, and even in summer there's the ugly wan light of autumn.

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Though I'm not having seizures, all the other things the Lamictal was treating are back. My thoughts are a bucket of broken glass. I truly do not know what to do. I'm not going back on the shit. Yesterday I seethed and thrummed and there was nothing else at all. And this winter has ground me down to bone. I am not well.

I didn't work yesterday.

I've lost a month. The first month of 2014 is pretty much over, and I lost it.

That's impressive, even by my standards.

Maybe Tomorrow,
Aunt Beast
Tags: 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, anger, athens, deaths, depression, lost days, lost time, music, not working, not writing, rhode island, shut in, sick, wasted days, winter
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