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Something like an hour and a half sleep last night. I fell asleep about 5:30 a.m., and I awoke at about 7:00 a.m. (times CaST). But I didn't take Seoquel. Yesterday was, I'm quite certain, the most awake I've been in at least a year. It was the first time I hadn't taken Seroquel since I started coming off the Lamictal. Jesus, I've been in a fucking fog. It's no wonder I hardly wrote jack shit this past year. It's good to be getting my mind back, even if it's the same broken mind I had when I entered that fog.

That said, lying awake in bed this morning, staring at the ceiling, the profundity of my displeasure with my life became apparent. A more perfect understanding of something I knew well enough already.

Yesterday, I spent about three hours reading over "The Prayer of Ninety Cats," which will be appearing in a another forthcoming "year's best" anthology. It's a story I can look at and be proud of what I've done. It's one of, say, ten things that I've written that I know are well and truly very, very good. Decades of work went into creating that story.

Since June, a folder of photos from the New Orleans trip has been sitting on my iMac's desktop, because I knew I'd reach a point this winter when I needed the summer and Birmingham and Birmingham in the summer. I left it there so that when that day came I could pull out a few photos and post them here to remind myself of something better. So...these were taken at the train depot downtown, between Powell Avenue South and Morris Avenue:

12:44 p.m. (CDT)

12:44 p.m. (CDT)

12:40 p.m. (CDT)

12:39 p.m. (CDT)

Photographs Copyright © 2013 by Caitlín R. Kiernan and Kathryn A. Pollnac

Other than the tiny amount of work I've been able to get done, as my newly awakened brain fizzes and hums and thrums, I've been trying to hide in RP, in The Secret World. Only I'm fairly convinced that all the other players loathe me. No, seriously.

Wanna trade? Well, only if you live somewhere warm.

Aunt Beast


( 8 comments — Have your say! )
Jan. 12th, 2014 05:49 pm (UTC)
Nice photos. I like the frames within frames quality, the layering of square shapes. It's kind of Ozu.
Jan. 12th, 2014 06:35 pm (UTC)

Thank you. Squares within squares within squares in very Birmingham.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 12th, 2014 08:35 pm (UTC)

Same reason people did in high school. Forgive my neurotic nonsense.
Jan. 12th, 2014 08:26 pm (UTC)
The medicine fog has lifted for me too. I've changed from a SSRI to a MAOI. Very glad now that I researched my diagnosis and medication for myself.

I still have the insomnia fog though. Don't know how much I slept, apart from not much. I no longer have the clock plugged in by the bed. The reason for that was accidental, but I'm picking it might be a good thing.

I suspect, for me, that the insomnia is part of the feedback loop of depression, and if I'm ever going to dig myself out of the hole, I'll have to do meditation and some self help psychotherapy, both things I am very resistant to. Drugs, by themselves, just will not cut it.

It's a nice mild summer here in New Zealand, even if I have been looking out at it through gaps in the curtain sometimes. From what I've read of your situation lately, no thanks, I wont be swapping.
Jan. 12th, 2014 08:33 pm (UTC)
Well, only if you live somewhere warm.

its not warm here yet, give it til summer. Right now, we have wet and cold and wind. Its warmer than some places at the moment though..

Jan. 12th, 2014 11:11 pm (UTC)
"If I puked up some sonnets, would you call me a miracle?"

Scrolling and sleep-deprived, I read this line as "If I puked up some saints, would you call me a miracle?" Which I also liked.

12:44 p.m. (CDT)

I love this first one, the mosaic look of the windowlights.
Jan. 13th, 2014 05:09 am (UTC)
It's warmer here, but the wind will kill you. It's done nothing for me but keep me awake and bring up my PTSD (for why, I don't know). Also, the gray. I've learned to love the gray, however, over the past eight years. It was either that or hit the river with stones in my pockets.

Seroquel is a brain number, for sure. I am loathe for my son to stop taking it (even though I worried about its supposed addictive quality) because then his brain wakes up and hates the entire world...including me. I hate much of the world, too; but, I don't act on it. He would, act on it, that is, without the seroquel.

Hope you and the insomnia find some happy medium. Sometimes I am most productive when I am sleepless.

I am interested in checking out The Secret World; but, I promised myself my gaming time this year would be to go through all the Zelda games (re-creating a childhood I didn't have, I suppose).

I just finished reading The Drowning Girl for the second time. Now I feel I can fully do a review. I'm ashamed it's taken me this long, but I wanted it to sink deeper in. I'll pen something more professional than this vignette here, but suffice to say, it will haunt me more intensely than anything I've read to date. Thank you.
Jan. 13th, 2014 11:50 pm (UTC)
I won't trade as the weather would fuck me up, but I'd be happy to share. Today is a bit cool, but it's sunny and mid 60s, with a bit of ocean in the breeze.

It sounds like the meds taper is going as well as possible, which I'm glad to see. Here's hoping things continue that way.
( 8 comments — Have your say! )