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Veritas lux mea.

Terras irradient.

Ex umbra in solem.


Et lux in tenebris lucet.

"There ain't no Brontosaurus rex."




"This is a low-flying panic attack."

"This goes beyond me..."

He only did what any of us would have done, surely. He only checked his Facebook to see if he were being noticed.

It's supposed to be a little cooler today. I think we made the mid eighties yesterday. The middle parlor made it to 82˚F, but fans cooled things down nicely by bedtime, around 2 a.m.

Yesterday, a trip to the Providence Public Library, research for The Starkeeper, vintage books on UFOs (1970s), Immanuel Velikovsky, abduction paranoia, and so forth. We saw the library's current art exhibition, "Portals: The History of the Future." A Sony Walkman, unrealized utopias, wax cylinder recordings, "Hiroshima U.S.A." There was a quick trip to the East Side for groceries and beer, then back home, and I spent most of the evening reading.

Leftover pasta salad, an avocado.

And today, the new Radiohead on vinyl, plus (!) CaseLangViers.

Aunt Beast

After a week of March, it seems to be June again. Currently, it's 79˚F. We made it to the mid eighties yesterday.

The writing has been arduous and very, very slow. I'd hoped to be through with the first chapter of The Starkeeper by now. Instead, I've hardly begun. The book is still too unformed. Major elements, major aspects, are still in flux, still revealing and reshaping themselves. I'm afraid of this book. I was afraid of The Drowning Girl, too, so maybe that's a good sign.

A week in movies. Captain America: Civil War bored me silly and is a fine example of how pandering to 3D usually ruins cinematography. On the other hand, I quite enjoyed X-Men: Apocalypse, despite received opinion. I think it's the better of the two films, by far. At least it wasn't dull and badly shot. And speaking of not agreeing with the critics, Kathryn and I very much enjoyed Duncan Jones' Warcraft: The Beginning. There's a thoughtful review at Tor. Also, we saw the Coen Bros. brilliant Hail Ceaser!, the first Coen Bros. film I've not seen on the big screen since Intolerable Cruelty (2003).

And there's been a lot of reading papers in the Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology: "The first fossil record of borophagine dogs (Mammalia, Carnivora) from South Carolina, U.S.A.;" "New data on the ontogeny and senescence of Desmostylus (Desmostylia, Mammalia);" and "The Dart Deposits of the Buxton Limeworks, Taung, South Africa, and the context of the Taung Australopithecus fossil."

I leave you with Big Food.

Aunt Beast

Not entirely an L



Entry #4,643


Yesterday, I did 1,001 words on The Starkeeper.

Today, there's a windy lashing the city, and I'm never going to get used to the weather up here. Yesterday was rainy, and late in the afternoon it was only 58˚F.

My social-media blackout (no Twitter, no Facebook) is actually going quite well, thank you. It has removed an amazing amount of stress from my life. I'm not constantly fretting over news items. I'm not caught up in the outrage du jour. I'm far less distracted. I'm not arguing with people I don't know. These are good things, obviously.

Please have a look at the current eBay auctions. I'll sign and personalize any and all purchases. Thank you.

Over the next couple of days I'll be laying out the Sirenia Digest #124, so that should go out on Tuesday.

Last night, I got sleepy to Spooky reading me Robert McCloskey's Time of Wonder (1957), one of those books that's one of our books.

Aunt Beast


But there are eBay auctions, and I would be grateful if you had a look. Thank you.

Ms. Flammarion Abroad


Yesterday, was my second good writing day on The Starkeeper. I did 1,026 words. Only (approximately) seventy-three more to go. I'm hoping to finish the novel at the end of September. I have to put it on hold in August to write a new novella.

The weather here is chilly, currently only 63˚F, but mostly sunny. Very windy. Hardly June.

Please have a look at the current eBay auctions. We sell books, signed and personalized!

I leave you with Selwyn, gazing down imperiously from the bathroom window.

Aunt Beast




Yesterday was the first good writing day I've had on The Starkeeper. I did 1,000 words. I introduced The Dream, along with Jude and Judith Posey. Now, I only need about seventy-four more days exactly like yesterday, and all will be well.

Rainy and cool yesterday. Sunny and hot today. More than twenty degrees warmer today than yesterday. The seesaw summer weather of coastal southern New England wreaks hell on my sinuses, and my sinuses trigger headaches. I woke with one trying to wind up full tilt, and I have to try and write past/through it. Not the way I wanted to begin Day #2.

Aunt Beast


The sun is back today.

And yesterday I very likely typed the first sentence of The Starkeeper.

Later Taters,
Aunt Beast

"What if the world dies with the sunrise?"

A rainy day today, and chilly. More like April than June. But a Beast abides.

My birth name has finally turned up on my Wikipedia entry. It was always only a matter of time, and after the bibliography in Two Worlds and In Between, in which I included my birth name, was published, I knew it would be sooner rather than later. I'm rather surprised to find that I'm really not upset. Yes, that's who I was. I think I began reclaiming my former self back in the autumn of 2014, when I started posting pre-transition photographs on Facebook. So, this is only a continuation of a process I set in motion, and when I allowed the name to be published it became a matter of public record.

So, yeah, while it's all weird and a little confusing, I think I'm okay with this. I've been Caitlín for twenty-six years now. That's one year long than I wore my birth name. And whatever power it still has over me, I've made my peace with that.

Aunt Beast

A cloudy morning, but the sun is coming out now. It's much cooler today, currently only 64˚F.

Yesterday, we drove back down to Peacedale/Wakefield. There was a little cemetery that I needed to see up close. We spent another hour or so at the Peacedale Public Library, looking at a yearbook from 1978, but lord, it depresses me, being in that fine, old building that's giving up on books and slowly morphing into nothing more than row after row of computer monitors. If this is what struggling libraries have to do to stay relevant and keep their doors open, I say they they're better off shuttered.

We stood on a bridge over the Saugatucket River and watched dragonflies, ducks, and a couple of Eastern Painted Turtles (Chrysemys picta picta). A huge crow landed on a power line that snaked past above the bridge, landed right next to a grackle, and it seemed they were exchanging secrets.

We stopped at Allie's Donuts in North Kingstown to get a couple of donuts, but it was the shop's forty-eighth birthday, and so we got a half dozen for the price of four. Near as I can tell, Allie's makes the best donuts in all Rhode Island.

It was, all in all, a fine day.

Today. I'm going to try to begin The Starkeeper.

Aunt Beast

No sleep this morning until after five, so no sleep until after the sun was up. This time of year, at this latitude, the sky starts to brighten before four a.m. The first start singing to my insomnia, and I imagine them all in the jaws of hungry cats.

About nine-thirty, though, I woke to some very good news, which I shall share when I am able.

Today, we're heading south for more book-related research. It's sort of like location scouting, really.

Last night, I lay on the floor of the front parlor and watched Mars as it made the transit from one side of a gap in the curtains to the other side of the gap in the curtains. It was bright and pink and beautiful.

Aunt Beast

Note: Yesterday, I wrote "On this day in 1989, twenty-seven years ago, at about 4:30 p.m. EST, I began HRT." Actually, I began HRT on the 31st of May, not the 30th.

Cloudy today, and the weather's a bit cooler. Bonnie isn't showing us much to write home about. There was some rain last night before I went to bed. Well, this morning. It was almost four.

Yesterday was a breakthrough. The conflict at the heart of The Starkeeper finally came to me, in a great flash, in the middle of a conversatiion with Kathryn. Boom. I could tell I'd actually found it by the expression on her face. Now, I only need to find the courage to actually start writing.

Beginnings are times of such peril. - Lady Jessica Atreides

On this day in 1989, twenty-seven years ago, at about 4:30 p.m. EST, I began HRT.

Aunt Beast
It's summer. Currently, 76˚F. We made it to 91˚F yesterday. We're waiting on Bonnie, who'll be here tomorrow, bringing rain from southern places.

One day later than planned, we spent yesterday driving about South County – Peacedale, Wakefield, Kingston – thinking about The Starkeeper, looking at houses, fixing place in my head. I'd not been down there since last autumn. At the public library in Peacedale, I made a couple of pages of notes. Reaching back to 1978, when the novel is set.

I think I found the name of my protagonist yesterday. I think his name is Jude. Unless her name is Jude. Unless their (singular) name is Jude and Judith, depending. Unless it's twins. Yeah, I'm at that all-is-flux stage.

“When you begin a novel you are in a state of unlimited freedom, and this is alarming.” ~ Iris Murdoch

Aunt Beast

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